The Struggle Within
by Moderndaydrifter
Summary: Bosco's life has been headed on a downward spiral. Will things begin to look up for him?
1. Chapter One

Disclaimer: I own nothing! This is for entertainment purposes only and no money is being made off of this so please don't sue!!  
  
Special Thanks: To CCA and Laurie Lasagna..w/out your words of encouragement and advice this story would've gone nowhere fast! You guys are great!!  
  
Bad calls, everyone endures them. No matter where you live, how big your town is, something shitty always happens. It's just the way of life. Humans are savages. Violence is like a must in today's society. It's like this world can't live without being evil and mean. It seems as if we thrive on seeing someone hurt. Cops, firefighters, and paramedics see it every day. Sad to say their jobs are considered blue collar. They go out and see this violence and save lives and get paid meseley wages that couldn't support someone living in a society back in the 50's.   
  
There are also accidents that happen. Things no one can control. People die in horrible ways and no one can explain why. Freak accidents are always hard to see. Accidents are a part of life, there's no way in hell to avoid them.  
  
~~  
  
Bosco chomped down on his deli sandwich and looked up, noticing Faith's stare. She looked disgusted. He chewed up the sloppy sandwich and took a long sip of his Mountain Dew. "What?" He shrugged his shoulders.  
  
Faith picked at her salad. "Sometimes watching you eat makes my stomach turn."  
  
He took another bite and watched as some mustard dripped onto the paper wrapper he used as a plate. "Just doing my part, making things cancel out." He winked and wiped his mouth with a napkin.  
  
"Canceling things out?"  
  
"You gross me out with sex stories, I gross you out with my eating habits." He cocked his eyebrow.  
  
"Like your sex stories are awesome Bosco. I don't think karma sutra is tops on my conversation list."  
  
He took another drink. "You have a conversation list?" A smart-ass smirk appeared on his face.  
  
"Oh, would you shut up?" She giggled slightly. "Oh yeah, I was meaning to ask you, how's your new girlfriend? You haven't broken up with her yet have you?"  
  
"Jenna? I'm still with her." He stretched out his legs, hitting Faith lightly. "She's awesome Faith."  
  
She rolled her eyes. "Here we go again."  
  
"No, no. Not sex wise. We haven't even slept together yet." He shook his head.  
  
Faith choked on her water. "What? How long have you two been together?"  
  
"About a month and a half."  
  
Faith closed the lid on her salad. "Wow, coming from you that is amazing. A month with her and you still haven't slept together. I'm truly impressed." Faith smiled.  
  
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"  
  
Faith scoffed. "Oh please Bosco. I'm not going to get into it. So tell me about this Jenna. What is awesome about her?"  
  
He rubbed his temples. "Well, for one thing she is making me earn things. She isn't easy. She makes me feel all weak and vulnerable when I'm around her. When I'm not around her I'm thinking about her. And when I am around her I always stumble with my words and look like an ass. I've never had a girl do that to me before." He glanced at his watch. "Look at me getting all sappy. That isn't normal either." He stood up to throw his trash away.  
  
"Yeah, love will do that to you." Faith followed him to the trashcan.  
  
He held the lid open for her. "Love? After a month and a half? Is that possible?" His voice was high pitched.  
  
"I guess it all depends on the person. I believe in love at first site. Look Bosco, if a girl makes you feel like that it's more than just boyfriend girlfriend stuff. It could be puppy love, not sure about lust since you guys haven't really done anything. It's just strange hearing all that from you."  
  
"Try being in my shoes. I don't know what to think."  
  
"If you want to keep things special take my advice. Don't make her have sex until she's ready. When you guys do have that moment together it'll be even more special."  
  
He nodded. "Thanks for the advice, I'll remember it."  
  
~~  
  
"So, you up for Haggerty's?" Davis glanced up at Bosco as he tied his shoe.   
  
"Nah man, not tonight. I got a date." Bosco buttoned up a black shirt and ran his hand through his hair. "Whew, I'm kinda nervous about it too."  
  
Davis laughed. "You? Nervous? Why the hell are you nervous?"  
  
Bosco sat down beside him on the wooden bench and paused as he glanced down at the floor. "This girl man, she's amazing. I've been with her for about a month and a half. She just makes me feel...different."   
  
"She's that good, eh?" Davis threw his uniform into his locker and closed the door.  
  
"No, it's not like that. The only thing she lets me do is kiss her man. Any other girl I'd have already broke it off, but there is just something about her that..." He shrugged. "I can't really explain it."   
  
"L-O-V-E." Davis spelled it out.  
  
"I guess it is possible. Faith told me the same thing. I'll see you tomorrow." He patted Davis' shoulder, smiled at Faith, and made his way to his car.  
  
~~  
  
He knocked on apartment 125 and sighed a deep sigh. He heard a TV going and small footsteps approach the door. Jenna greeted him. She was about 5'7", blue eyes, brownish blonde hair to her shoulders, with a healthy figure.   
  
"Hey Maurice." She pulled him into a hug and gave him a light kiss on the lips. "How was work?"  
  
"Boring as hell, but I guess that is good." He walked into the cozy living room and plopped down on the couch. "I thought about you a lot though."  
  
She sat down beside him, her perfume essence filling his nose. He loved the way she smelled. "How was your day at the nursing home?" He stared at the TV; Gilligan's Island was finishing up.  
  
"I guess as great as a nursing home can get."  
  
He nodded and pulled her in for another kiss. "I need to tell you something Jenna."  
  
"Okay." She smiled and ran her fingers over his forehead. "Is everything okay?"  
  
"Yeah, everything is fine. It's just something I have been thinking about a lot, and other's have made me feel it even more."  
  
"Okay, tell me." She gave a small giggle, causing butterflies to shoot through Bosco's stomach. Just her presence put him in a good mood.  
  
"Jenna..." He ran the back of his hand over her cheek. "I think I'm falling in love with you."  
  
The room fell silent as he stared at her. "Maurice, I think I'm falling in love with you too. I was thinking it was too soon but I guess not. I didn't want to tell you yet, didn't want to scare you but I feel the same way."  
  
Bosco smiled. "It sounds weird coming from my mouth. I've never really been in love with anyone. You just make me so happy."  
  
"You too, Maurice."  
  
~~  
  
Carlos walked into the department at 2:15, ready for duty. He felt like it would be a good day. The sun was out, the weather was nice, and he felt good. He hadn't felt this good since he could remember so he wanted to take advantage of it.   
  
"Hey Kim." He smiled at Kim as he grabbed a water out of the refrigerator. "Doc is off today, he called in sick. I guess that means me and you are together."  
  
"Great." Her voice was full of sarcasm.  
  
"Hey, I'm in a good mood, don't ruin it."  
  
"Great." She imitated herself.  
  
~~  
  
"How was your date Boz?" Faith glanced over at him from the passenger side window, a mischievous grin across her face. "You work your way into her pants yet?"  
  
"Ha ha. It went great. I told her I thought the relationship was going well, she agreed."  
  
"You know you scared Ty when you told him what you did last night."  
  
He scoffed. "Scared him? How the hell did I scare him?"  
  
"You, Maurice Boscorelli, talking about loving a girl. It scared me too, I have to admit that."  
  
He nodded. "We all gotta grow up sometime ya know?"  
  
"Yeah, you of all people."  
  
Before he could respond the radio broke in. "Units in the 5-5, we have a traffic accident at 4-7-9 Hill and Arthur. We need all available units, also ambulance and FDNY."  
  
Bosco queued his radio, "5-5 David, 10-4, we are a few blocks over."  
  
~~  
  
All Bosco could think to say as they pulled up was, "Holy shit!" He quickly got out. A total of 10 cars were overturned and crushed. "How the hell did this happen?" He glanced over at a flaming car, not sure if it was occupied or not.  
  
Carlos ran past. "A traffic jam. A motorcycle came between two cars and it was a chain reaction. Help me with this, grab his feet."  
  
Bosco bent over and looked at the victim. A young boy, about 7 years old. Brain matter was present. "Carlos, is he.."  
  
Carlos didn't answer and lifted. "Just take him to the bus."  
  
Faith raced around, reassuring victims that help was there. She also directed traffic here and there. Lieutenant Swersky approached her.   
  
"EMS needs your help. We have some cleaning up for you guys to do while they work."  
  
She swallowed hard. "Cleaning up?"  
  
"Yeah. Over there." He pointed in the direction of where several cars were packed together. "The bodies with the orange tags you guys put into bags. Any body parts put into biohazard bags."  
  
She felt a rush of nausea overtake her as her and Bosco walked slowly, rubber gloves covering their hands. Bosco stopped.   
  
"Faith, is that what I think it is?"  
  
"Yeah."   
  
He picked up a few pieces of brain matter and placed it in a bag. He glanced at a young girl lying beside it. She had been gone for a while. "Help me put her in a body bag."  
  
Bosco grabbed her legs. He felt bile build up in his throat as he watched her lifeless body fall into place once inside the bag. He quickly zipped it up. "I can't believe this happened." He turned to Carlos. "They find the motorcycle that caused this?"  
  
"No. He left."  
  
"A description?"  
  
"You'll have to talk to those people behind the police tape, they were down the street, saw the whole thing happen." Carlos thought to himself, 'So much for a great day. My instincts pretty much suck.'  
  
~~  
  
After all was said and done only two people survived the traffic incident. The mother of the girl that Bosco and Faith put in a bag, and a three-year-older that was still in critical condition at Mercy. Everyone was present at Mercy from the 55th. Everyone. The waiting room was quiet, almost spooky.   
  
Every time Bosco would close his eyes he'd see the little girl, half her head missing but her eyes staring up at him as the zipper closed her body into a black hole. He couldn't get the image of the boy Carlos was working on out of his head either.   
  
Why did this have to happen? He sighed and rubbed his eyes. He got up quickly and made his way to the coffee room.  
  
"You okay?"  
  
Bosco turned quickly to see Kim standing in the doorway. "Uhh, yeah. Just getting some coffee. Want some?"  
  
"No, I'm good." She held up a half full bottle of Coke.  
  
He stirred his coffee. "Are you doing okay?" He glanced at her and then back down at the now brown liquid before him.  
  
"Yeah. I see that stuff a lot. Someone was telling me you had to pick up that girl's brains off of the pavement."  
  
Bosco sniffed. "Yeah. Not actually in my job description but that's what I did." He took a sip of the coffee and felt its warmth all the way down his esophagus.  
  
"I'm gonna go back in the waiting room. If you need me I'm here to talk."  
  
"Okay, thanks."  
  
~~  
  
He stared into the mirror and listened as lockers closed behind him. Every noise made him jump.   
  
"Boz, I'm gonna go grab a bite to eat, you wanna come?" Faith wrapped a small scarf around her neck and approached him.  
  
"Sure. I could use something. Jenna's not home anyway, she had to go to New Jersey to see the folks."  
  
~~  
  
They sat in a corner booth with a nice view of a small park to the left of them. Bosco slowly sipped at some water and watched as a young girl came into the restaurant with what he was guessing was her mother. Faith noticed his stare.  
  
"Hey, you wanna talk about it?"  
  
He quickly looked away as the mental image of the young girl flooded his mind. "Talk about what?"  
  
"About today."  
  
He shrugged. "Nothing to talk about. A bad accident happened, we responded. Everyday stuff."  
  
She decided to leave it at that. She didn't want to push things and piss him off. "Okay."  
  
"Let's just hope we don't get another traffic call for awhile." He stood up and placed some money on the table, enough to pay for her meal and his water. "I'll see you later Faith. I gotta get some fresh air." 


	2. Chapter Two

Bosco made his way into his mom's bar after taking a short stroll down the cold, dark streets of New York. The bar was pretty much empty, the only people around were the regulars that made it a point to get drunk every night. He slowly walked to an empty bar stool and stared into the mirror across from him.  
  
"Maurice? What are you doing here?" His mom approached him, a cigarette in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other. "Is everything okay?" Her voice sounded doubtful.  
  
He nodded. "Everything's fine, I just stopped by for a drink and to see how you were doing." He looked around the bar at the lowlife's who were all pretty much out of it by now. "Could I have some bourbon?"  
  
"Of course you could." She pulled out a clear glass and poured the amber liquid. "Work going okay?"  
  
"Same old shit, guess I can't complain." He chugged the bourbon and enjoyed the burning sensation it sent through his body. "How are you doing?"  
  
"Fine. Trying to stop smoking."   
  
He glanced at the half smoked cigarette cradled between her fingers. "Oh? Looks like you are doing good." His voice was sarcastic as he poured the next glass himself.  
  
"I've cut it down to a pack and a half a day as opposed to the three I was smoking before."  
  
"Ah, well good luck with that." He finished off his second drink and stood up. "It's late, I gotta get going." He kissed her on the cheek. "See you later."  
  
"Oh Maurice, how's that girlfriend of yours doing?" She extinguished the butt of the Marlboro and watched the smoke linger above her.  
  
"Good." He turned to walk out, wishing Jenna was in town tonight. He needed her bad. He needed her to chase the demons from earlier today out of his memory.  
  
~~  
  
Faith rolled over in her bed feeling Fred next to her. She glanced at the clock beside her, the red numbers gleaming into her eyes, causing her to squint. It was 3:30 and she hadn't slept a wink. She sat up and ran her fingers through her tangled hair and walked to the bathroom.   
  
She wondered how Bosco was doing. He didn't seem himself. Who was she kidding? No one was themselves after that call.   
  
She thought about the eerie silence in the hospital waiting room. No one had spoken a word. She just remembered the cold, sorrowful looks that were written across everyone's faces as they sat around wondering why the hell something that extreme could've happened.   
  
She leaned against the sink and sighed. She hated these long nights when all she could do was sit there and watch each minute pass by and hear every click from the secondhand on her watch. She changed into a t-shirt and jeans and made her way to the front door. She needed to do something, she didn't want to sit around and wallow in her self-pity.  
  
~~  
  
She knocked lightly on his door, hoping he'd be awake or at least grateful that she'd come by. The last thing she wanted to do was piss him off. She heard a few bottles clank and some footsteps, and the creak of the door open. Bosco stood before her, his hair disheveled and his eyes sunken in.  
  
"Hey F..Faith." He stammered on his words.   
  
"Hey Boz, were you asleep?"  
  
He shook his head. "No. I was just, I was just sitting here."  
  
She stood in the dark hallway. She could smell the strong scent of alcohol on his breath. "Can I come in?"  
  
He giggled. "Oh sure, come on in!" He opened the door wider, allowing her to walk past him, into his trashed apartment.  
  
She noticed about 6 empty beer bottles next to the couch. "How much have you drank tonight Boz?"  
  
He stumbled to the couch and sat down. "Oh here we go again."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Here we go again with you mothering me. God, I can't even get away from it when I'm in my own damn house!"  
  
She bit her bottom lip. Pissing him off was not her plan. "I'm not mothering you, I just asked a question."  
  
"Some bourbon and some beers. I can binge every now and then can't I?" He laid his head on the arm of the couch. "You want a beer or something? Wait, never mind. I don't think I have any left." He laughed again.  
  
She shook her head no. "You didn't binge because something is bothering you, right?"  
  
"Nah. I just did this because Jenna's not here. When she's around she doesn't like me to drink a lot. So I thought now was my chance before she got back into town."  
  
For some reason, Faith did not believe a word that came out of his mouth.  
  
~~  
  
"So, how'd you sleep last night?" Sully ran his hand over his hair while looking in the locker room mirror. "Nights after a bad wreck are always hard for me, but I'm better now." He glanced at Ty.  
  
"I guess okay. We didn't get it as bad as Bosco and Yokas you know?"  
  
Bosco barged in, his head throbbing and his eyes bloodshot. Sully and Davis turned and stared at him.  
  
"What the fuck? I heard my name and when I come in you bastards get quiet. What's up with that?" He opened his locker and threw his duffel bag in. "I hate when people talk shit behind my back."  
  
Ty approached him. "We weren't talking shit, man. I was just saying that we didn't get it as bad as you and Faith did."  
  
Bosco flashed him a confused look. "Get what as bad?"  
  
Ty's eyes fell to the floor. Sully broke in. "That call yesterday."  
  
Bosco sniffed. "Oh right. I'm fine. That was nothing. It's not everyday you get to scrape a little girl's brains off of the pavement you know?"  
  
Faith walked in at the right time. "Boz, shut up."  
  
"What's up your ass this morning?" He glared at her.  
  
"Nothing, I just don't wanna talk about it."  
  
Bosco raised his eyebrows. "I'm fine. It's over, let's get on with our lives."  
  
Sully buttoned up his shirt. "Yeah, you look fine Bosco. See you guys in roll call."  
  
~~  
  
"So, where do you wanna start looking for this motorcyclist?"  
  
Faith sighed. "They have a detective on that case so we won't be looking anywhere."  
  
"Great, just great. They won't find him for 2 months, if at all." He leaned his head against the passenger side window. "You got some Tylenol or something? My head is throbbing."  
  
"Yeah, binging on bourbon and beer will do that to you. I think I have some in the glove compartment."  
  
"5-5 David, 5-5 Charlie, and 5-5 Edward, respond to 1-0-5 Clairemont and Smith Street. FDNY and EMS requesting your assistance at this time, forthwith."  
  
"5-5 David responding, 1-0-5 Clairemont and Smith." Faith pressed hard on the accelerator, increasing their speed by 10 miles per hour. "I wonder what this is all about."  
  
Bosco scoffed. "Bucket fairies, they can't handle situations themselves."  
  
~~  
  
Bosco and Faith were greeted by Sully and Davis who were already at the scene. Carlos and Kim were inside the ambulance, not making a move toward the injured man that lay bleeding on the sidewalk. Bosco looked around and saw nothing too out of the ordinary.  
  
"What's going on?"  
  
"We've got a man inside the building threatening to open fire if we attempt to work on that man over there." Sully pointed in the direction of where the man was suffering.  
  
"So, what is the fire department doing here?" Faith glanced at the fire truck where everyone remained inside.  
  
"He's also threatening to set the building on fire. They are on stand by until further notice."   
  
"Unbelievable. Sounds like we got a regular whacko on our hands." Bosco shifted his weight from his right foot to his left. "So, what's the plan? Go in?"  
  
"Our best bet is to have Davis and Bosco stay at the front of the building, secure that exit. Faith, you and me will go to the back, make sure he doesn't come out the alleyway. 5-5 Edward, you guys wait until we move in, then we'll all go in together, see if we can't get this guy down before that man bleeds to death."  
  
Bosco and Ty stayed in their position. They could hear movement inside. Bosco peered in the window but quickly moved when a bullet shattered the glass, barely missing him. He queued his radio, "We have shots fired." He glanced at Ty. "We gotta do something now, he knows we are here." He spoke into the radio, "Sul, we gotta move in."  
  
"Okay Boz, on my count."  
  
Bosco could feel his heart beating out of his chest as he heard Sully begin.  
  
"1....2....THREE!"  
  
Bosco quickly kicked in the door but no one was present in the room. He looked up the staircase and saw no movement or shadows. "Suspect not visible from this point, you guys got a visual?"  
  
"Negative, nothing in the back." Faith's voice echoed.  
  
Bosco and Ty got up against the wall, both their breathing growing shallow and fast. "Cover me." Bosco whispered as he moved across a threshold, several bullets ringing out as he dove out of the way. "He's in the kitchen!"  
  
They all entered the kitchen and noticed a swinging screen door and foot steps tapping. "FUCK!" Bosco ran after him, followed by Ty and Faith. Gunshots rang out on the street, several shattering the windshield of the ambulance.   
  
Bosco screamed into his radio. "FDNY, EMS, get down. Suspect is coming at you!"  
  
Faith felt the heat of bullets pass her as they pursued him on a foot chase. Her lungs burned from the cold air but her feet kept moving, as fast as they would carry her. She heard Bosco approaching and quickly passing her. The suspect turned around again, shooting straight at all three officers. Sully had stayed back at the scene to check on everyone else.  
  
"Units in the 5-5, Lieutenant Swersky is calling off the chase. Repeat, calling off the chase."  
  
Another bullet flew and hit Bosco in the shoulder, barely skimming him but drawing blood. He quickly grabbed the wound.   
  
"Bosco! You okay?" Faith walked up to him.  
  
He breathed heavy. "I'm fine, it's just a scratch. Dammit, why'd they call the chase off?"  
  
Ty replied, "Because if we'd have kept on, he'd probably have killed us and many others."  
  
Bosco started his walk back to the original scene. "Yeah, whatever."  
  
When they arrived back Kim stood over Carlos and was working on him. Sully was bagging him as she inserted an I.V. into his left arm. Everyone stood around as she did her thing.  
  
Doc yelled from the injured man, "How's he doing Kim?"  
  
She took the cap off of a syringe. "Pulse weak and thready. Respirations are low."  
  
Doc's eyes fell towards the man. "He's dead. We didn't get to him in time."  
  
Everyone stared in shock, most of them afraid of what was going to happen to Carlos. Bosco broke the silence.  
  
"What the hell happened?"  
  
"Got hit in the chest as the suspect ran out the front door. He just shot anywhere he could, not really caring who was in the way." D.K. nodded and closed his eyes. He noticed the blood on Bosco. "You okay?"  
  
Bosco lifted a hand. "Yeah, yeah. Just a scratch."  
  
The trainee paramedic Doc was working with for the day spoke. "Let me take a look at that."  
  
Bosco's eyes widened. "Who the fuck are you?"  
  
"I'm Jake Tennal, I'm field training today with Doc."  
  
Bosco turned and faced him. "And what the hell makes you think I want some rookie working on me? Besides, it's just a scratch. The bullet barely brushed my skin."  
  
"Just let me take a look at it. It's bleeding a lot to just be a scratch."  
  
"Boz, just do it. What is the harm in it?" Faith realized she was mothering him again and didn't say another word.  
  
~~  
  
At the hospital everyone sat in the same waiting room, the same eerie silence haunting them again. Bosco wasn't sure how much more of this he could take. He sighed and rubbed his eyes. His arm was sore and he could hardly move it. The rookie had placed a sling on it to keep it in place for the night, though the wound really wasn't that bad.   
  
"We should've gotten to that man sooner." Doc stared up at the ceiling as he spoke, his voice shaky.  
  
"There was nothing we could do Doc. We were ordered to stay in the bus. What were we supposed to do? Get out and work on him and get shot?" Kim noticed the irony of what she said as soon as it exited her mouth.  
  
Doc rebutted from across the room. "Carlos didn't leave the bus and here he is laying in a hospital bed on life support."   
  
"It's my fault." Bosco looked at Doc in the eye.  
  
Doc asked, "What is your fault?"  
  
"Carlos being here. Us meeting back in this room."  
  
"And how is it your fault?" Doc's voice was full of question. Bosco had gained everyone's attention.  
  
He sighed. "For one thing, I made us move in too quickly. I was all hell bent on making a move in that I didn't think about you guys. And for another thing, I saw the perp in the kitchen and I was the one that ran in to get him, Ty just followed me. If I would've been a little more patient we could've gotten him in a non-violent arrest. Instead, bullheaded me moved in, the perp fled, and Carlos is fighting for life."  
  
Faith stood up. "No Bosco, don't beat yourself up about this. It would've been a violent thing no matter what. That man was crazy. He belonged in a psych ward."  
  
Sully spoke. "Boz, if the time wasn't right for us to go in after him I would've said no and waited. I was senior officer. So don't blame yourself. Bad things happen, it comes with the job. Don't go using what ifs and stuff, it'll cause more problems and we don't need that. Now all we can do is pray Carlos is okay. What happened back at that call is in the past, there's no changing it now."  
  
Bosco scratched his eyebrow. "Easier said than done Sul. I know what I was thinking, I know how I was feeling. I'll never get that feeling outta my mind, ever. Thanks for trying to help but.." He stood up. "I gotta get some fresh air. Someone call my cell if anything happens." He walked out.  
  
The room fell silent again.  
  
~~  
  
Bosco made his way into Rose's bar once more. The same familiar faces were there.   
  
"Back again? That's two nights in a row Maurice."  
  
"Yeah, it is." He grabbed a beer mug and poured his own draft from the spout. "So, how'd you do on your smoking today ma?"  
  
"Same as yesterday. One and a half, but you didn't come here to talk smoking." She noticed his left arm was a bit stiff. "Something happen to you?"  
  
"Bullet scratched me. Just keeping it wrapped for the night." He took a long gulp and savored the flavor.  
  
She exhaled some cigarette smoke. "Oh, wanna talk about it?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Okay."  
  
He made his way to the jukebox and put two quarters in. He flipped through the song choices and found Bon Jovi's "Blaze of Glory" song and chose it. He listened as the opening guitar chords came on and made his way back to his stool.  
  
"Ma, a friend of mine got shot today."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Carlos Nieto, he's a paramedic with the fire department."  
  
"Is he okay?"  
  
"Not sure. He took one to the chest. He's in critical condition right now."  
  
"Is this what has gotten you so riled up?"  
  
"Yeah." He grabbed her cigarette and took a long drag off of it. "It's been awhile since I've tasted a cigarette." He exhaled the harmful smoke and handed it back to her. "He got shot because of me."  
  
"How?"  
  
"I went after the suspect too soon. Spooked him. He took off out the front and shot up the ambulance Carlos was in. If I would've been more patient that wouldn't have happened."  
  
"Honey, it isn't..."  
  
"Save it ma." He cut her off. "No matter what you say, it won't help me. It just won't okay?" He put down a $10 bill. "See you later."  
  
"That beer isn't ten dollars you know." She yelled at him before he made his way out the door.  
  
"Keep the change as a tip. That'll buy your lunch tomorrow." With that comment he was gone into the dark night, not sure where to go next. Jenna would be home in the morning but he wasn't sure if he wanted to see her, not with the negative attitude he was giving everyone. He broke into a jog. He didn't care where he was going, as long as he was going somewhere. 


	3. Chapter Three

Bosco's phone rang at 7:30 the next morning. He jolted out of bed and searched for it on his floor, finally finding the phone under his bed. He quickly pressed the 'talk' button.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Maurice, hey!" Jenna's perky voice was on the other line.  
  
He switched the phone from his left ear to his right. "Hey girl. You home now?" He forgot about his shoulder and moved it, sending a sharp pain through his body. He winced.  
  
"Yeah, got home around 6:30 this morning. How are you doing?"  
  
He yawned. "Okay I guess. Come over, I need to see you."  
  
"Okay, be there in fifteen minutes."  
  
~~  
  
Bosco had barely gotten out of the shower when he heard her knock on the door. He quickly put on some boxers and a tank top and opened the door. "Hey Jenna." He pulled her in for a soft, deep kiss. "I missed you."  
  
She kissed him back and walked into the messy living room. "I missed you too." She looked around the room. "Looks like you could use a house keeper." She giggled.  
  
"Yeah well, I've had a bad couple of days. Cleaning the house was the last thing on my priority list."  
  
"Oh? Everything okay now?" She noticed a bandage on his left shoulder. "Something happen to your arm?"  
  
"Bullet nicked me. I'm okay though so don't worry. And yes, everything is fine."  
  
She sat down on the couch and kicked some empty beer bottles out of the way. "So, what happened?"  
  
He sat down on the floor beside her legs and kissed one gently. "The day before yesterday we had a pretty bad call. A 10-car wreck. Only two people survived it, well, actually one for sure that I know of. The other one is in critical condition still."  
  
She ran her fingers over his semi-wet hair. "Yeah, I heard something about that on the news. I didn't know you were on the scene though."  
  
He nodded. "Yeah, I was." He kissed her leg again. "Yesterday a medic got shot. They were waiting to be able to work on this guy that got hurt. They couldn't until we cleared the building. We rushed in, the perp got away, shot him as he was running by."  
  
"You know this medic?"  
  
"Yeah, we've gone for drinks and stuff. Works across the street from me."  
  
"I'm sorry to hear that Maurice."  
  
He stood up and got up on the couch beside her. "No need to be sorry. That's what happens with the uniform. Anyway, enough with the bad stuff. What did you do on your trip?"  
  
"Daddy wants to meet you." She giggled and held his hand tightly.  
  
Bosco scoffed. "Meet me huh? Is he into those troubled, no life men that are from white trash families?"  
  
"Don't say that. You aren't like that."  
  
"You haven't met the other Boscorelli's yet either." A sarcastic laugh erupted from his lips. "Does he know I don't make good money?"  
  
"What does that have to do with anything Maurice?"  
  
He leaned forward and rubbed his eyes. "Nothing. Never mind. I'm sorry."  
  
~~  
  
"So, how's Carlos doing?" Bosco picked some cheese off of his pizza. "No one called me last night."  
  
"Nothing has changed. He's still in critical." She watched a couple jog by them. "Look Boz, no matter what you say, it wasn't your fault."  
  
He rolled his eyes. "And no matter what you say, I'll always think it is okay? Could we just change the stupid subject? I'm tired of this!"  
  
She licked her spoon, getting the last reasonable amount of ice cream off of the utensil. "Rumor has it that we are going to be required to go to department counseling."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I heard some of the guys talking. They were talking about how our watch has had it pretty bad and Swersky teamed up with Johnson. They think we've seen enough trouble and that we need to clear our minds."  
  
"I'm not going to counseling." Bosco retorted.  
  
"If it is required you will."  
  
"Whatever."  
  
~~  
  
Kim and Doc stood at Carlos' bedside and watched as the ventilator moved his chest up and down. Kim felt guilty. The bullet that hit Carlos was really aimed at her, she ducked just in time for it to hit him. But it was human reaction right? What was she supposed to do, just sit there and watch as it entered her? She wanted to believe that but her mind kept telling her that it wasn't so.  
  
"You okay?" Doc handed her a cup of coffee.  
  
She wiped her nose with a Kleenex and greatly accepted the hot liquid. "Yeah, I'm fine. I was just thinking about some stuff. Thanks for the coffee."  
  
"No problem." He looked at Carlos' monitors. "Doctor says his vitals are stronger. He should wake up soon. He just told me that these next couple of hours are the most vital."  
  
Kim nodded. "He's strong." She heard footsteps behind her and quickly turned around, noticing it was Bosco and Faith. "Hey guys, what's up?"  
  
"Brought in some kid that was complaining of dehydration." Faith replied.  
  
"Which is bullshit, he was just wanting to get out of an arrest." Bosco went to the opposite side of the bed and stared down at Carlos' face. "So, what's the verdict?" He glanced at Doc and then back down at Carlos.  
  
Doc said, "We'll know in a few hours."  
  
"Give me a call, let me know what's going on okay?" Bosco began to walk out. "I'm sorry this happened guys."  
  
Doc patted him on the back. "No need to be sorry Boz."  
  
Kim watched them leave and then stared back down at Carlos. She wasn't used to this, Carlos was always loud and cocky and here he was, vulnerable and almost dead. She never knew she could care so much for the guy. It was sad that it would take something like this for her to realize it.  
  
~~  
  
"So, is Jenna back today?" Faith hated the awkward silence in the car so she decided to make small talk with Bosco. She could tell she caught his attention but he still wasn't that talkative.  
  
"Yeah." He nodded and kept his eyes on the road.  
  
"Have you seen her yet?" She took a long sip of coffee, wishing Bosco would talk. For some reason she felt like he was mad at her about something.  
  
He glared at her. "Yeah, I saw her this morning. Do you need the exact times and what we did to?" He shook his head with disgust. "If you are wondering Faith, I'm fine. There's no need to ask questions."  
  
Her stomach dropped. Why was he so touchy about her asking about Jenna? She knew something was bothering him but she didn't want to push it anymore. She leaned her head against the window and watched as the rain sprinkled the glass, making small shiny drops. "Boz, I know you are fine. I was just asking about Jenna. You seem happy with her."  
  
He tapped the steering wheel with the beat of the windshield wipers. "I am happy with her." His voice was almost a whisper as he heard the three monotone beeps from the radio erupt.  
  
"5-5 David, possible suicide attempt at 8-5-1 Buckley and King. Respond to apartment 455."  
  
Bosco flicked the light bar on. "Here we go again, my favorite kind of call." He paused and spoke, "5-5 David, 8-5-1 Buckley and King." He stared at Faith, and then drew his attention back to the road.  
  
~~  
  
They climbed up four flights of stairs before they reached their destination. Bosco's lungs burnt from the climb. He stared at the number on the door and sighed. "You ready?" He slowly grabbed the doorknob, dreading every second of what was to come. Suicides were not his favorite. He hated how he had to act like the person's best friend when he barely even knew their first name.  
  
"Ready." Faith nodded, her hand over her gun, ready for anything.  
  
He turned the knob and opened the door slowly, a long, eerie creek erupting from the hinges. The apartment was silent and dark. He walked through the threshold, not wanting to make a huge entrance.   
  
"You are finally here!" A short, chubby woman showed in the kitchen, worry across her face and a glass full of liquor in one hand. "What the hell took you so long?"  
  
Bosco's heart jumped. "We got a call for a suicide attempt."  
  
The woman groaned. "I didn't ask you why you were here. I asked what the hell took so long. Do you not understand English?" She spoke in a sarcastic tone, her eyes rolling with every word.  
  
Faith noticed Bosco's irritability and spoke up. "Ma'am, we got here as soon as we got the call. Now, what is going on?"  
  
"My boyfriend, he's in the bathroom. He's got a shotgun to his temple. He won't put it down!" Her voice grew whiney as she approached them. "Please help him!"  
  
Faith placed her right hand on the lady, keeping her back. "Woah, woah, settle down. Do you have any idea why he's doing this?"  
  
They began to walk to the bathroom. Bosco couldn't fight off what he was thinking. "Probably couldn't handle being with her anymore." He muttered under his breath as the lady opened the bathroom door to a panicked, angry young man, a deer rifle pointed right at his forehead.  
  
Faith pushed the lady back. "Just stay out in the hallway. We don't need him more upset."  
  
The lady nodded and waited.  
  
Bosco and Faith approached him. Bosco stood back a little and allowed Faith to take the situation over. He'd probably end up saying something stupid and shoot the guy himself.   
  
The man's face was covered in sweat and he was shaking uncontrollably. His eyes stared at them but the glare was blank like he had no idea where he was. He cocked the hammer back on the shotgun and gripped it tighter.   
  
"STAY BACK!" He raised his voice and moved slightly in the bathtub.  
  
Faith rubbed her nose and bit her bottom lip, not really sure what to say to him. "Sir, we are here to help. What's going on, what has you so upset?"  
  
He glared at her, then back at Bosco, his face turning evil, almost out of a horror movie. "You, what is your name?" The man pointed at Bosco with his free hand.  
  
Bosco jumped back, keeping his eyes on the man's hand. He licked his lips and lifted his eyes toward Faith. "My name?" He licked his lips again. His mind went blank. "My name is Bosco."  
  
The man laughed. "Did your mom hate you or something? What the hell kind of name is Bosco?"  
  
Faith stood between Bosco and the man, not sure what was about to take place. "Why don't you tell us your name?"  
  
This time the man giggled like a little girl. "You wanna know my name huh? Just call me 'Lost'." He shifted his weight from one hip to the other and put his attention back on Bosco. "So Bosco, your future doesn't look to bright. You look like someone that is facing heartbreak and depression. You think so Bosco?"  
  
Bosco kept his back against the wall. Why was this man so interested in him? His palms were cold and clammy. "Look man, what is wrong? Anything we can do?" Bosco kept his voice low.  
  
"No." The man shook his head quickly. "I'll see you in hell Bosco. It won't be long that you'll be in your own little hell." With that comment the man pulled the trigger, blood flying everywhere, even on Bosco and Faith. The room grew silent as they stared at his lifeless body on the cold porcelain.  
  
Bosco glanced at his girlfriend in the hallway, small cries erupting from her lips. "Why didn't you people help him?! That is your job!!!"   
  
~~  
  
Sully watched as Bosco washed away the blood from his face and arms. He couldn't believe the bad curse that the 55th had been enduring lately. He could remember bad calls from every year, but this year was even worse. They seemed to be getting worse with every call.  
  
Bosco felt Sully's eyes on him. "Take a picture Sul, it'll last longer." He wiped away the luke warm water from his face with a white towel on the side of the sink.   
  
"Carlos is in stable condition now. He's still in a coma but the doctor says he should wake up soon." Sully walked to his locker. "Just wanted to let you know Boz."  
  
Bosco unbuttoned his uniform and sniffed. "That's good, that's real good." He rinsed it out and watched the ring of water wash down the drain, a light shade of red mixed in from the blood that accumulated on his shirt. "We could use some good news around here."  
  
Sully smiled, "I agree."  
  
~~  
  
Bosco knocked on Jenna's door at 12:30 that night. He was in desperate need to talk to someone and wasn't in the mood for his mother right now. She always had some sarcastic thing to say to him. He noticed he had woken her up when she came to the door. Her hair was a mess and her eyes were still have shut.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry Jenna, did I wake you?"  
  
She nodded. "Yeah, but that's okay. Come on in."  
  
He shuffled his feet as he stood in the middle of her living room. He noticed a small picture of them together, smiling. He hadn't smiled like that in so long, he almost forgot what it felt like. She lifted his face with her fingers under his chin.   
  
"What's wrong Maurice?"  
  
Tears filled his eyes. He didn't want to cry in front of her but there was no stopping them. The floodgates were opened. He sat down on the couch. "Jenna, I had another bad call today. Guys brains were all over me."  
  
She squeezed his hand tightly. "How did that happen?"  
  
"He blew his brains out." He wiped away a few tears that had fallen down his cheek. "I've had suicide calls before but this one really bothered me." He leaned back on the soft couch cushions. "Look Jenna, I don't wanna burden you with this. I usually don't talk about it anyway."  
  
"Oh hush Maurice. You aren't burdening me with this. It helps to talk." She kissed his forehead. "How did this one bother you?"  
  
He looked at her. "He told me I was about to be in my own hell. It's like he knew me or something."  
  
"It's just crazy talk. I mean, anyone who is lead to suicide is pretty crazy. Don't worry about it."  
  
He nodded. "Yeah, you are right." He closed his eyes and saw the man's eyes on him. Somehow not thinking about it was easier said than done. The look, the sound of the man's voice would be embedded in his memory forever. For some reason he agreed with the man.   
  
'I'll see you in hell Bosco. It won't be long that you'll be in your own little hell.' He could even hear the shotgun echo and feel the warm blood cover him. It was haunting. 


	4. Chapter Four

"So, mandatory counseling huh?" Kim took a huge bite out of her doughnut and stared out the window of the ambulance. They had just got done visiting Carlos. He was somewhat conscious but not really aware of where he was. "How do you feel about that Doc?"  
  
He shrugged. "I guess it doesn't matter. Not much we can do, it is mandatory you know."   
  
Kim stared at him. Typical Doc, never really going into much detail about how he really felt. Sometimes that got on her nerves to a point where she just wanted to scream at the top of her lungs. "I hate visiting department shrinks." She rapped up the remaining contents of her doughnut in a napkin and threw it in a small paper bag at her feet. "They act like they know you."  
  
Doc rubbed his eyes. "Kim, there's nothing we can do about it so quit complaining. You have to admit, all of us have had a bad week." He shook his head. "Seeing Carlos getting shot is not a high point ya know. It always does some good to talk about it."  
  
"Yeah, you may be right." She decided to agree with him. Arguing with him was like a never-ending battle.  
  
~~  
  
Bosco loved the feel of the cold water running over his face. He held it under the sink faucet for about 2 minutes enjoying each drop that came into contact with his skin. The last time he had gotten some sleep was before the wreck. Every other night he'd been awake with beer bottles and late night reruns on the TV.   
  
"Boz.." Faith peered in the locker room door.   
  
"Yeah?" He looked up, the water running down and soaking into his shirt.  
  
"It's your turn to see the shrink." She held the door open.  
  
He grabbed a towel and dried his face quickly. "Great, anything you should tell me before hand?"  
  
"No. Just be cooperative."  
  
"Ah." He walked out, not ready to go spill out his life story to some quack that had no idea who he was.  
  
~~  
  
"Officer Boscorelli, how long have you been on the force?" The dark haired lady looked over the rim of her glasses at him.  
  
He shifted in his chair. "10 years." He glanced out the window and into the department. He could feel Faith's eyes on him and it made him even more nervous.   
  
"10 years? Can you say you've enjoyed these 10 years?" She scribbled some notes on a small yellow post it and waited.  
  
He chewed on the inside of his cheek, not really sure why he had to answer these fake questions. "Some of them."  
  
She clicked her pen on the hard wood of the desk. "Some of them? What has made you -not- enjoy some of them?"  
  
He leaned back causing the chair to creek slightly. "I don't want to talk about this. I don't even know why I have to be here, I don't wanna talk to you. How about we just not waste anymore time and let me go okay? I'm fine."  
  
"According to others, you aren't fine." She wrote more notes down. Bosco looked down at her writing but was unable to make out the letters.  
  
"The others?" He raised his eyebrows. For some reason he got the image of Faith sitting in the same chair he was, spilling out things about Bosco that he didn't want others to know. "Like who?"  
  
"I can't release that information to you. So just talk to me Officer. It'll feel better."  
  
He stood up. "Look, we had a few bad calls. I'm fine. It's over okay? Now excuse me, I have a job to do." He turned around and walked out, not even giving her a chance to reply.  
  
~~  
  
'I'll see you in hell Bosco. It won't be long that you'll be in your own little hell.' Bosco's body grew weak as he sat and thought about the man's words. What did he mean by that? Hell, it could've been just some crazy man talking but why did he say it to him? He could've said it to Faith just as easy?   
  
Bosco leaned back in the passenger seat and moved the air conditioner vents towards him to get the air moving around him. He felt as if he had a fever. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, still not able to get the week's images out of his head.  
  
"You think I should Boz?" Faith looked over at him and noticed the heavy sweat forming on his forehead.  
  
He opened his eyes. "Think you should what?"  
  
She parked the car. "Are you okay? You look like hell."  
  
He rolled his eyes. "Well you aren't Miss America now are you?" He noticed her brow crease. "Look, I'm sorry, I was just thinking about something. What were you saying?"  
  
She ran her fingers over the smooth rubber on the steering wheel. "I was just saying, me and Fred have been talking. I've told him about all this shit that has been happening and he has suggested a trip somewhere. I have some vacation time coming up and I think it is a good idea. Just, get away from the city. Go somewhere quiet where no one knows you."  
  
"How long will you be gone?"  
  
She shook her head. "I don't know. I have about a week and a half of vacation saved up."  
  
He wiped the sweat from his face. "A week and a half? Whew, that's a long time." He wasn't sure if he wanted Faith to leave. Knowing his luck he'd be stuck with some rookie hot out of the academy and end up getting shot for the rookie's idiot mistake. "Where are you guys thinking about going?"   
  
"Fred said something about California."  
  
He sat up and looked her straight in the eyes. "California? So that means you guys will be flying right?"  
  
"Well yeah, it'd take us the whole week just to get to California. So yeah, flying is in the picture. What's wrong with that?" She smiled.   
  
"Nothing." His voice was soft. "It's just..." For some reason he had a bad feeling about her leaving. Their luck wasn't running too well lately and he didn't want her to push it.  
  
"It's just...what?" She motioned her hands for him to say more.  
  
"Nothing. A vacation is a great idea Faith." He gave a fake smile and closed his eyes again.  
  
~~  
  
Bosco decided to stop by the hospital while the streets were somewhat quiet. He slowly entered Carlos's room and noticed him watching TV. He still looked like he was in a trance but definitely better than the last time Bosco had seen him. He gave a small wave and sat by the bed.  
  
"Hey Carlos." Bosco looked up at the TV and watched the cartoon that played across the screen.  
  
"Hey." Carlos's voice was weak and raspy. "What are you doing here?"  
  
Bosco shrugged. He really didn't have much of an answer to that. "We had some free time so I decided to come see you before my shift ended."  
  
Carlos nodded. "Where is Faith at?"  
  
"Right here." She walked in and stood by Bosco's chair. "How you feeling?"  
  
Carlos cleared his throat. "Like I've been shot." He gave a small laugh.   
  
Bosco didn't know it would be this awkward to come see him but it was. The silence made him fidget. "You get well soon." He stood up. "I just wanted to come check on you."  
  
"Or give me a hard time." Carlos closed his eyes halfway. "Thanks."  
  
"No problem."   
  
~~  
  
After his shift Bosco wasn't sure where to go. He just sat and stared at his locker as he waited for Faith to be done. He ran his hands over his face and was startled to feel Faith's hand on his shoulder.  
  
"You wanna go get a drink or something?" She ran her brush through her hair and smiled.  
  
He leaned back and frowned. "I think I'll pass. I need to go clear my head or something. Some other time?" He looked up at her and arched his eyebrow.  
  
"Sure Boz. I'll see you tomorrow okay?"  
  
"See ya." He watched as she exited the locker room.  
  
~~  
  
He knocked on Jenna's door at 11:30 hoping she'd still be awake. He didn't want to go back home to his empty apartment where all his memories lurked in front of him. He heard footsteps and the door slide open. She looked to be still awake.  
  
"Hey Maurice, what's up?" She opened the door wider and welcomed him in.  
  
He walked in and pulled her into a small hug. "Just got off work, thought I'd come over and see you." He took his jacket off and placed it on the coat rack by her door. "Were you asleep?"  
  
"No, I was just in my room watching some TV. The late night oldies are on." She smiled and began to walk down the hall towards her room again. "Come on, they are always great when you've had a bad day."  
  
"Who says I've had a bad day?" He stopped at the door to her room and looked at the huge bed. It was a nice room with tons of pictures of numerous people. "Nice room." He walked to the bed and watched her as she lay down. He sat down on the edge and stared at the TV. I Love Lucy was now on.  
  
She rubbed his back. "Maurice, come lay by me. I need someone warm to cuddle up next to." She tugged at his shirt until he began to take his boots off.  
  
"Alright, how could I resist that?" He took his hat off and threw it down next to his boots. He crawled up next to her and pulled her into a hug. "This bed is really soft ya know?" He smiled and sniffed of her hair, enjoying the scent that she let linger.  
  
He watched the show but for some reason he really wasn't finding Lucy quite funny. He held her hand and kissed her lightly on the cheek. She turned and faced him and smiled, returning his kiss with a deeper kiss on the lips. He placed his hand on the back of her neck and kissed her back, his tongue searching the inside of her mouth.   
  
His emotions overtook him. Suddenly he could feel a rise in his pants as he felt her warm lips up against his. He felt the sudden urge to unbutton her pants but he pulled away quickly.   
  
He paused and looked into her eyes. "Jenna, I better stop. I might take this too far if I keep going."  
  
She gave him an innocent smile and shook her head no. She pulled him into another kiss and pulled away. "No Maurice, just keep going." She kissed his forehead and down to his collarbone, sending more chills up and down his spine.   
  
"Are you sure Jenna?"  
  
In between kisses she spoke. "More than ever."  
  
He ran his hands over her back and down her body. She felt nervous but now seemed like the definite time for them to do this. Now or never she thought. She gently grabbed his shirt and pulled it over his head, revealing his defined chest. She ran her lips over it causing him to feel an even bigger rise in his jeans.  
  
He took off her shirt and pants in one motion, revealing her. He jumped when she reached down into his boxers. After a few more minutes of kissing she was on top of him in the bed, their bodies moving together in a rhythmic pattern.   
  
He couldn't believe this was happening. Jenna actually felt comfortable enough around him and here he was, making love to someone that meant so much to him. He had never 'made love' to anyone. It was always just sex in his eyes. He heard her give out one low moan and with that she was done. He could feel her roll off of him and to his side.  
  
He put his arm around her and kissed her gently. "Are you okay with this?"  
  
She looked into his eyes and gave a very understanding nod. "Maurice, I still want things to stay the same." Her voice was a whisper as he looked down into her eyes.   
  
"They will, don't worry." He kissed her on the cheek and sighed.  
  
The rest of the night Bosco and Jenna stayed by each other's side, each one of them in their own personal heaven. For once in the past week Bosco could say he was actually enjoying something.  
  
~~  
  
Bosco walked in the roll call room 5 minutes late and waved to Swersky as he made his way to the back where the last empty desk was located. He couldn't believe him and Jenna had slept as late as they did but he didn't care. Being in her presence made him forget all about the past week and how he felt like he was changing into someone else.   
  
"I know you all hate going to the department shrink but please do this for us. You people have seen enough lately and you need to let things out. I just wanna make sure you guys are okay." Swersky paused and looked throughout the room at his officers. "Let's hope that good luck comes our way soon, you are dismissed."  
  
Bosco approached Faith. "So, you talk to him about your vacation yet?"  
  
She glanced up at Swersky who was walking away from the podium. "Yeah, today and tomorrow I work, then I'm off for a week and a half. Why?"  
  
They approached the back of the line for radio checkout. "Just wondering. I wonder who I'll get paired with."  
  
She smiled as she grabbed their two radios and handed one to him. "It won't be too bad. Think positive."  
  
"Think positive? After the luck I've been having that is the last thing I'm able to do."   
  
"Maybe you should take a vacation to. You seem like you need one." She unlocked the RMP and climbed in the driver's side.   
  
He shook his head no. "Don't have any time saved up. So, you guys still headed to California?"  
  
"Yup. Have an early flight."  
  
He had forgotten about how she had mentioned they would be flying. The bad images and feelings flooded back into his mind. "How do the kids feel about flying?"  
  
"Well, Emily is excited, Charlie is a little nervous though. I'm nervous for them. First time flying is pretty crazy."  
  
"They'll do fine, you guys enjoy your trip." Bosco winked though he really didn't want her to leave. It was almost as if he felt clinged to her, like a college student leaving home for the first time. He stared out the window and then back at her. "Faith, just do one thing for me okay?"  
  
She blew a bubble with her gum and looked at him. "Sure, what?"  
  
"Be careful." He kept his eyes on hers, wanting her to understand how he was feeling about all of this.  
  
"Of course Bosco, you know me. Eyes and ears open. You don't think I'll be careful?"  
  
He shrugged. "Its not that. I just sort of have a bad feeling about this." He took his eyes off of her quickly but looked back at her. He hadn't planned on telling her how he felt about it but it just slipped out. He couldn't hold it in.  
  
Faith could tell something was bothering him or that something was definitely wrong. She knew Bosco had good instincts about things. Bosco never made things up. It wasn't his style. Either something was really wrong with him or he did have some kind of feeling that couldn't be ignored. She hated to see him like this. "Look, Boz, if you don't want me to go I won't. Fred will understand, he was doing this for me." She stopped and realized what she had just said. Fred wouldn't understand. He'd be totally pissed when he'd find out she would cancel the trip just for Bosco. She said it just to make Bosco feel better.   
  
He groaned and gave her a very rude look. "Faith, how could I live with that? Holding you back from going on a vacation because I have some kind of stupid hunch? Just ignore me and have fun with your family."  
  
"Okay Boz. Everything will be okay." She wasn't sure what to say to him.   
  
"Don't say anything, just enjoy your vacation."  
  
~~  
  
Bosco sat on his car as he watched flight 1091 take off from the airport. He followed the silver plane as it flew westbound into the blue sky, out of his sight. "So long Faith. Have a great trip." He took his eyes off of the sky and got in his car and drove away. 


	5. Chapter Five

Bosco went into work early in the day though he really wasn't sure why. He really wanted to find out who he was partnered with. It was either that or the fact that he just needed to be somewhere other than home. That place was haunting to him.   
  
He made his way into the weight room and set up the bench press to begin a small workout before duty. The room was silent, almost too silent for him. His mind took over and thoughts of his past raced in front of his eyes. Thoughts of his childhood and the beatings he took that he sure as hell didn't deserve. He thought about the little girl that haunted him more than he thought it would.   
  
He did 10 reps and felt the sweat begin to pour down his face. He racked the bar and sat up, quickly wiping away the liquid that flowed down into his eyes. He stood up, stretched his arms, and made his way to the shower.   
  
The water that fell from the showerhead made him feel much better. Every now and then he'd swish some around in his mouth and spit it out. He glanced at his watch and realized he needed to get a move on, roll call was in 15 minutes.  
  
~~  
  
Bosco walked slowly into the roll call room and looked around to see if there were any new faces. It was strange not seeing Faith sitting there, giving him a 'your late' glare. He found a chair in the back and ran his hands over his face. He felt the bristles of his whiskers and remembered he hadn't shaved in about three days.   
  
"We have several out on vacation this week so you guys need to be extra careful. We have new partner assignments until we get everyone back so please, no arguing or bitching about who you get put with. Don't make it harder than it has to be." Swersky tapped the hard wood on the podium and glanced over papers that were before him. "Sullivan, you are paired with Roberts. Davis, you take Faith's spot and mount up with Bosco. This is just for seven days. Eyes and ears open out there."  
  
Bosco felt somewhat relieved. He didn't have to put up with a rookie or Sullivan's good citizen speeches now but for some reason he just wanted to ride alone.   
  
"You ready to go Bosco?" Davis handed him his radio and scratched his left ear, noticing how rough Bosco looked.  
  
Bosco stood up slowly. "Ready as ever I guess." He grabbed the radio.  
  
~~  
  
Davis drummed his fingers against the passenger side window as they drove through parts of Central Park. Bosco hadn't spoken a word to him about anything, and he was wondering if he had done something wrong to piss Bosco off. He clicked his tongue against his teeth and looked slowly over at Bosco.  
  
"Are you okay?" Davis gave a slight smile just to let Bosco know he wasn't being harsh with the question.  
  
Bosco kept his eyes on the small park roads. "I'm fine." He parked the car and watched any 'suspicious' people near them. He glanced at Davis. "Why?"  
  
"Don't take this personal or anything, but you look like hell."   
  
Bosco shifted around in his seat. "I'm fine, I just have a case of laziness here lately."  
  
Davis raised his eyebrows and decided to change the subject. He didn't want to hear anymore from Bosco, he knew it was all a lie anyway. "How's that girlfriend of yours?"  
  
Bosco rolled his eyes and leaned his head against the headrest. "Good."   
  
"Did I do something wrong to you Boz?"   
  
"No. Look Davis, I'm just not really feeling like talking right now okay? It's nothing that has to do with you." Bosco shook his head groaned. "Just keep your eyes peeled for things, we got nothing better to do."  
  
~~  
  
"Maurice, this is Jenna. I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier but I won't be home until around 2:00 AM. The nursing home has me on housekeeper duty so you know how that is. Anyway, I'll see you later. I love you." Bosco looked down at the answering machine as the tone beeped. He replayed the message just to hear her voice. It made him smile.  
  
He made his way to his refrigerator and opened up a beer and chugged it down quickly. It tasted exceptionally good. The TV came on next and he flipped through the channels. He finally left it on a news channel and went back into the kitchen for a bag of chips. His stomach was growling really bad.  
  
"Flight 1091 that departed from John F. Kennedy International Airport has crashed. We will now break to our correspondent, Jake Bosby for more on this story."  
  
Bosco wasn't paying attention to the news anchor until he sat back down on the couch, a bag of classic Lay's in one hand and some ranch dip in the other. He quickly grabbed the remote and turned it up.  
  
"I'm Jake Bosby, live from the site of the crash. The plane lost signal 45 minutes after take off and then lost altitude, and crashed into this rural field in Missouri. Again, the flight number is 1091 and the airline company is American Airlines. We'll have more for you later in the broadcast."  
  
Bosco quickly dropped his bag of chips and thumbed through some papers he had placed on his coffee table. He grabbed the note Faith had left him telling him all about the flight information. He skimmed through paragraphs until he found the number of her flight in front of him. Flight 1091, American Airlines. He slammed the paper down on the table and rubbed his eyes. He suddenly felt the urge to puke.  
  
He picked the paper back up and looked at the number again. Was this a dream? Was he just hallucinating this because he was so worried? He felt the beer he had recently drank come up and he quickly ran to the bathroom where everything just flowed out. Sweat poured down his face and arms as he leaned his head against the cold tile on the floor. He let out a light sob.  
  
~~  
  
He ran down to his car and got in, pressing hard down on the accelerator as he drove in the direction of Jenna's work. He didn't care if she'd get in trouble, he needed to talk to her. He pulled into the parking lot and got out quickly, not even bothering to turn off his lights.  
  
He ran in and immediately found her in the lobby, a broom in her hand.   
  
"Maurice, what the hell? What's wrong?" She noticed his eyes were filled with tears and he was covered in sweat. "Maurice?" She grabbed his arms and set him down on a small bench and waited for him to reply.  
  
"Jen.." He trailed off, deep sobs erupting from his throat.   
  
She put her hands on his face and looked him in the eye. "What happened Maurice? Tell me!"  
  
He felt like he couldn't catch his breath. He swallowed hard, not really wanting to make a scene but it was too late. He looked around him and saw many people watching, as if it were some sideshow or form of entertainment for them.  
  
"It's Faith." He spoke in a whisper so no one could hear him.  
  
"Faith? Oh, what happened?" She knew him and Faith were close.  
  
He felt the hot tears trickle down his face. "Her plane crashed. She's dead. Her family is dead."  
  
~~  
  
Jenna held Bosco's arm as she quickly unlocked her apartment door. He was still whimpering and sweat was still soaking through his clothes. She pulled him to the couch and laid him down.  
  
"Maurice, look at me." She pushed his face to the side but he closed his eyes. "Please, look at me."  
  
He sobbed and sniffed. "I can't." He shook his head no and rolled over to where he was facing the back of the couch. "I can't look at you."  
  
"Maurice, were there any survivors? I mean, it could've crashed but sometimes people survive it."  
  
Bosco rolled over and opened his eyes, wiping the tears quickly away from his eyelashes. "I don't know." He shrugged. "From what it looked like on the TV...It didn't look good." He cleared his throat and groaned. "I think I'm gonna leave." He sat up and stared at the blank TV.  
  
She grabbed his arm. "Where the heck are you gonna go? I'm not letting you out of here."  
  
He jerked his arm away. "Why the hell not?"  
  
"Because you are gonna go do something crazy, that's why." She grabbed his hand. "You don't even know the details about this. Maybe they switched flights at another airport."  
  
Tears flowed down his cheeks more. "I do know Jenna!" He raised his voice. "She gave me all the information before she left! She had a connecting flight, she didn't switch planes!" He stood up and made his way to the door. "I gotta get some air."  
  
"Maurice, don't leave."  
  
He didn't even look at her as he opened the door and exited. He wasn't sure where he was headed but he knew it was away from here.   
  
~~  
  
Faith's mother dialed Bosco's number. The airline had called her, confirming that there were no survivors on flight 1091. Her hands trembled as she dialed in the seven numbers and waited as the other end rang. She couldn't believe this, her baby was gone forever. Her two adorable grandchildren, never to be seen again.   
  
"Dammit Bosco, pick up." She spoke in between sips of vodka from a small glass. His answering machine picked up.  
  
"This is Bosco, I'm not here. Leave me one and I'll get back to you." She heard the beep and she began to speak.  
  
"Bosco, this is Faith's mother. I'm just calling to tell you that the airline got a hold of me and Faith is gone." A solitary tear ran down her cheek. "There were no survivors. Call me if you need anything." She hung the phone up and broke down on the floor, loud sobs sounding through the house.  
  
~~  
  
Bosco walked down to the harbor, a huge bottle of bourbon in his hand. He had already drunk over half of it and he felt the urge for more. He just wanted to drown all of his problems with alcohol. He watched as waves came in, each one in their own pattern. He sat down on the beech and chugged the liquid as if it were water.  
  
He had reached the conclusion that his life sucked. There was nothing good in it, not even Jenna. He just felt like she wasn't great anymore either. He hated his job. Hell, he loved being a cop but he was sick and tired of seeing the crap that he did. Brains on the pavement, people on the verge of suicide, getting one of his colleagues shot. He just couldn't take it anymore. And now, his partner, one of his dear friends, was now dead. Here one second, gone the next.  
  
He wasn't sure how he'd be able to go back to work. He knew the memories would come in strong. He rolled over in the sand and noticed two uniform cops walking towards him, a flashlight guiding them.   
  
"Sir, let me see your hands." One of the cops flashed the light as the other one held a gun on him.   
  
Bosco let go of the bottle and raised his hands. "What the fuck?" He squinted his eyes from the brightness.  
  
"Stand up sir." The cop with the gun motioned for him to stand up. "Keep your hands where I can see them.  
  
Bosco slowly sat up, his head throbbing and his stomach hurting from all of the alcohol he had already consumed. It took him a few seconds but he braced himself and was now up, his hands above his head. "I'm.. I'm a cop." He stammered on his words and could barely keep his balance.  
  
The two cops snickered. "Yeah, sure buddy. Where is your badge?"  
  
Bosco searched through his back pocket for his wallet but couldn't find it. Where the hell was it? "I.. I must've left it at my house."  
  
"Are you drunk?"  
  
Bosco ran his finger over his lips and gulped hard. "I guess you...I guess you could say that."  
  
"Okay, let's go. You are going to jail." The cop put down his flashlight and cuffed him. "If you are a cop I'm Hussein." The cop could smell the heavy liquor on Bosco's breath.   
  
Bosco just wanted to scream. He was confused about everything and being a cop was the only thing he was sure of. He tried jerking away from them as they approached the RMP but the cop kept a firm grip on his arm. "Stop fighting or this will be harder than it has to be."  
  
"Bite me." Was all Bosco could think to say.  
  
~~  
  
"You guys are gonna regret ever arresting me." Bosco held up his index finger as they threw him in a cell next to some other drunks that were brought in for the night.  
  
"Shut up." They closed the cell and jangled the keys as they locked it. Bosco ran up to the metal bars.  
  
"Hey! I get a phone call!" He hit his hands hard against the poles, causing an echo. "Give me a phone call!"  
  
The cops both looked at each other and grinned. "We know who you are Officer Boscorelli. We are going to make a phone call for you, who would you like us to get a hold of?"  
  
Bosco stepped back away from the bars. "You know who I am? Why did you arrest me?"  
  
"You are drunk. We couldn't just leave you out there. Who do you want us to call?"  
  
"Jenna. 555-2134." He shrugged them off and sat down, a huge headache catching up to him. He couldn't believe this, now Jenna had to come bail him out of jail. What could get worse? He felt the urge to cry but fought it off so he wouldn't get his ass kicked in the cell.  
  
~~  
  
Jenna sat in bed and ran her hands over her pillow. Bosco had been gone for awhile now and something just didn't seem right. She couldn't believe how upset he was, but then again it was one of his best friends that died. She wanted to run after him, to stop him, but her legs told her no and wouldn't move. Now she was regretting just staying there on the couch as Bosco went out on the streets, unsure of what he was doing.  
  
She moved her legs to the side of the bed and stared down at the floor. The apartment was completely silent, she could hear every tick of a second hand and every water drop from the bathroom sink. The phone rang loudly, breaking all silence, causing her to jump.  
  
She quickly picked up the phone, hoping it was Bosco on the other end. She cleared her throat. "Hello?"  
  
"This is Officer Powell with the 45th precinct. I'm sorry to be calling you at a bad time.."  
  
Jenna cut him off. "Oh God! What happened?" A million possibilities ran through her mind. Dead? Hurt? She swallowed hard and waited.  
  
The officer paused and took a deep breath. "Maurice Boscorelli. Do you know him?"  
  
Jenna felt the tears pour down her face. "Yeah."  
  
"We found him drunk. We brought him in. We need you to come down and get him."  
  
Jenna couldn't believe it. "How drunk?" She wiped more tears away with a Kleenex. "Is he hurt or anything?"  
  
Powell played with some papers near the phone and rolled his eyes. "No, I don't think he's hurt. He's got a damn mouth on him though. The sooner you come the sooner I don't have to see him."  
  
Jenna scratched her nose. "Did he hurt anyone else?"  
  
"No."  
  
"I'll be right there." She hung the phone up and put on some jeans and a shirt. Bosco drunk. She wasn't looking forward to seeing this. At least he was somewhat okay.  
  
~~  
  
She slowly walked into the double doors of the Police Department, her mind racing as she made her way to the front desk of the jail. She wasn't sure what to expect. Was he going to be happy to see her or upset? She gave a slight smile to the officer that handed her a clipboard to sign her name on.  
  
"You are here for?"  
  
She clicked the pin and began to scribble her name down. "Maurice Boscorelli. Came him in for intoxication." She looked up from the paper. "How much is it gonna cost?"  
  
The officer held up his hand. "No cost necessary, we don't charge our brother's in blue, even though they did something stupid."  
  
She nodded. "He's going through a hard time. It was a mistake."  
  
"I'll go get him." He left the desk and proceeded to the back where the cells were located.   
  
Jenna paced back and forth as she waited, hoping to God that he had started to sober up somewhat. She had never seen him fully drunk and didn't want to now. She heard footsteps and Bosco appear. "Maurice." His hair was messy and his face rough from not shaving in several days.   
  
He looked away quickly, not wanting her to see him like this. "You didn't have to do this Jen."   
  
"It didn't cost anything." She walked towards him and ran her face over his cheek. He jerked away quickly.  
  
"Don't. Just take me home."  
  
She could tell he didn't feel well. "You are coming home with me. I don't want you to be alone right now." She grabbed his arm but he pulled away.  
  
"I want to go to my house."  
  
"Then I'm staying at your house."  
  
He sighed. "Why do you wanna be around me? I'm no good. I'm trash! Just get out of my life before I screw yours up." He began to walk towards the exit.  
  
"Because I love you Maurice."   
  
"Yeah right. No one could love me." He pushed the door open, enjoying the cool New York air hit his face. "I don't want you at my house."  
  
"Too bad." She opened the passenger side and helped him in, wishing this night never had happened. 


	6. Chapter Six

The first thing Bosco did when he entered his own home was open up his liquor cabinet and pull out a gallon bottle of bourbon. He didn't even bother with a glass, he drank it straight out. Jenna watched from the door, her eyes wide with shock at how much he was drinking and how he was drinking it. She walked over and quickly pulled it out of his hand.  
  
"Maurice! Haven't you had enough to drink tonight?" She poured the remaining liquid down the sink, keeping her eyes on him as she did it.  
  
"Don't do that! Why'd you dump that all out?" His voice was whiney as he pulled the empty bottle from her grasp. "This is none of your business Jenna!"  
  
She rolled her eyes and placed her hand on her hip. "None of my business? Maurice, you come to me, tell me about it, and then you say it's none of my business? That makes no sense at all!" She threw her hands in the air and walked into the living room.  
  
He sat down at the kitchen table and put his head in his hands. All he wanted was to be alone. To wallow in his self pity alone. He looked over at his answering machine and noticed the red light blinking and he pressed 'play'. Faith's mother's message filled the silent gap.  
  
He stared down at the machine, even when the message was done playing. The apartment fell silent again. His breathing grew heavy as he felt Jenna touch his arm. "I'm so sorry Maurice."  
  
He slid down to the floor and crouched into a fetal position. Tears fell like waterfalls from his eyes. "I told you she was dead!" He closed his eyes tightly and let out a light scream. "I told you Jenna."  
  
She sat down beside him, not really sure what to say. "Maurice..."  
  
"Just shut up! Just don't talk!" He pushed her hand away. "Get out of my house Jenna."   
  
She stood up. "I don't want to leave you here alone."  
  
He looked up at her, his eyes red and watery. "Well I don't want you here." He stood up and looked her straight in the eye. "I'm not going to tell you again, get out of my house."  
  
She didn't move. Tears began to fall down her cheeks. For some reason she felt used, like Bosco only wanted her for one thing. She quickly wiped them away with the back of her hand. "Maurice, I'm not leaving." She knew he'd do something crazy if he were alone, he just wasn't thinking straight enough to be alone.  
  
He gritted his teeth. "I've asked you to leave and you won't." He walked towards her, his hands in tight fists. She backed up, realizing Bosco was quite upset. "Now I guess I'm going to have to make you leave." He pulled his right hand back, bracing himself to hit her.  
  
She flinched, a cry erupting from her mouth. "Maurice, no!!"  
  
Her cry was too late, he had hit her. Hit her across the face and he couldn't take it back. He looked down at her as she fell to her knees, her nose bleeding from the blow he had sent to her. His fists were still clenched tight together.  
  
"Get out of my house." His voice was rough and raspy.  
  
She stood up again. "Goodbye Maurice." She wiped the blood away and left, slamming the door as hard as she could behind her.  
  
~~  
  
Bosco watched as Jenna exited, the door echo startling him. He crouched back down into a fetal position and stared down at the empty bottle of bourbon that lay near him. He glanced down at his fists that were still clenched tight but relaxing somewhat. He noticed a few blood spots across the knuckle of his right hand and wiped them away quickly with the front of his shirt.  
  
He had done it. Done something he had told himself one thousand times he wouldn't do. He hit a woman. He had gotten violent with the love of his life and now she was gone with the slam of a door. Tears began to flow down his cheeks. He wiped them away and stood up.  
  
He couldn't think of anything else to do so he rummaged through his liquor cabinet in search of anything. Every bottle he came across was empty, not a single drop of alcohol for his tongue to taste.  
  
He grabbed his jacket and headed out to whichever bar his feet led him too.  
  
~~  
  
Bosco staggered up to his mom's bar about forty-five minutes later and noticed the 'closed' sign on the door but he entered anyway. She had let him in after close many times before.  
  
She didn't even turn around to see who it was but spoke through puffs of her cigarette. "Bar is closed, come back tomorrow."  
  
Bosco rolled his eyes and walked up to the bar. "Ma, can I have a drink?"  
  
Rose turned around slowly, recognizing her oldest son's voice almost instantly. She extinguished the slender, white, cancer causing Marlboro. She noticed he was in deep trouble by the way he looked. Sunken eyes, scraggily whiskers, bloodshot eyes. It was all too familiar for her from the past with his father.  
  
"Maurice, you don't need a drink." She nodded her head.  
  
He slapped his hands flat on the counter top. "I NEED a drink."  
  
She grabbed his face, clenching his cheeks slightly together, the whiskers scraping against her soft skin. "You NEED some rest. Go home, go to sleep."  
  
He walked down the bar and grabbed a shot glass. He poured some Jack Daniels and enjoyed the liquid as it burned down his throat. "I don't even know why I bother with a glass." He gave a raspy laugh and lifted the bottle to his lips.  
  
Rose pulled it away quickly. "Maurice! What the hell is the matter with you?!" She placed the lid on it and stuck it under the bar, out of his reach. He didn't answer and left. He didn't want to end up hitting her too.  
  
~~  
  
He finally made his ay home at around 4:45 that morning; he had nowhere else to go. He had a brown paper bag with a pint of vodka in side. Alcohol seemed to be his only friend at the moment, so he was going to cherish it for as long as he could. It was the only thing that made the demons go away, at least for a little while.  
  
He opened up the glass container and threw the lid as hard as he could against the wall and watched as it rolled slowly, then finally stopping a few inches from his boots. He drank down a fourth of the bottle and sat down on the floor near the couch. He turned the TV on and more news of the plane crash showed across the screen.  
  
He stared at it for a few minutes, not really comprehending what was being said. All he knew was Faith was gone, forever. No more childish bickering, no more "sexual talks" about each other's personal lives, but the thing that bothered him the most was no partnership. No more friendship.  
  
He turned the TV off and took one last drink of vodka before setting the remaining clear liquid on the coffee table. He felt nauseated. He began to gag and before he knew it all the contents of what was in his stomach came up, covering his clothes and the carpet beneath him.  
  
He didn't bother to get up, he just sat back and let sleep overtake him as he laid in his own body fluid.   
  
~~  
  
Davis walked into the roll call room, everyone dim and quiet as they stared back at him. He knew something was up, but what? He found a desk beside Sully and shrugged.  
  
"Most of you have probably heard but I'm going to say it anyway." Swersky paused, keeping his eyes down on some papers before him. "Officer Yokas and her family have died in a place crash. They were on there way to California when it crashed into a Missouri field."  
  
Davis' stomach sank. He had not one clue about it. He hadn't even watched the news or read the paper in so long and now he was regretting it. He also noticed Bosco wasn't present, but who could blame the guy? Partners for ten years and now no longer here. Swersky broke his thoughts.  
  
"Davis, either you or Sully give Boscorelli a call, check on him. Make sure he's okay."  
  
Davis nodded. "Will do sir."  
  
~~  
  
He sat back in his desk chair as he dialed Bosco's home phone and stared at Sully. No one picked up, not even the machine. He hung up the phone and sighed. "No answer."  
  
Sully took a drink of his coffee. "Probably doesn't wanna talk."  
  
"I'm gonna go tell Lieu."  
  
Sully nodded.  
  
~~  
  
"So, get a hold of Bosco yet?" Swersky looked up from a stack of paperwork and waited for Davis to answer.  
  
He shook his head. "No sir, no answer."  
  
Swersky crossed his arms over his chest. "We need to talk to him, let him know about the funeral."  
  
"You want us to go over to his apartment, see if he just as the ringer off?"  
  
Swersky nodded. "Yeah, we need to make sure he is okay anyway."  
  
~~  
  
Sully knocked on the door. "Bosco, it's Davis and I. Open up the door." They waited a few moments and got no response. He knocked again. "Boz, open up, Swersky needs to see you." Not a sound from behind the door.  
  
Davis took a deep breath. "Want me to kick it in?"  
  
"Might as well."  
  
Sully stood back and watched as Ty opened the door up to Bosco's world. The apartment was full of empty bottles of booze scattered everywhere. The heavy scent of alcohol lingered over their heads. Davis walked into the living room, noticing Bosco passed out on the floor.  
  
"Sul, he's over here." Davis pointed.  
  
Sully lightly slapped Bosco's cheek. "Bosco, can you hear me? Boz?" Sully looked up at Davis. "You better call a bus, he looks like he is in bad shape."  
  
~~  
  
Davis and Sully followed Carlos and Doc into the ER, tubes sticking out of Bosco's mouth in order to pump his stomach of all the alcohol that he consumed. This brought back memories for Sully. He had remembered when Tatiana had died, he was the same way. Now people close to him were going through the same thing.  
  
Davis handed him a cup of coffee. "Damn, Bosco looked bad." He blew on the warm liquid, allowing it to cool some before he took a sip.  
  
Sully nodded. "Yeah, he did." He really didn't have much else to say.  
  
Dr. Fields approached him, a clipboard in hand. "We had to pump his stomach. He consumed a huge amount of alcohol, off the chart blood alcohol levels. He was at .21 when he was brought in. He's asleep right now, we are just waiting for him to become conscious and have him throw up."  
  
Sully patted Dr. Fields' arm. "Thanks Doctor." He looked over at Davis as Dr. Fields walked away. ". 21? That is a lot, man."  
  
"He'll be okay?" Davis paced back and forth.  
  
"Yeah, we got him here in time."  
  
~~  
  
Meanwhile Davis and Sully decided to pay a visit to Carlos. He was sitting up in bed, watching a talk show. He gave a small wave as they entered, but he kept his attention up on the TV.  
  
"How ya feeling man?" Davis looked at some magazines on the table beside his bed and then up at the TV.  
  
Carlos shrugged, sending a slight pain down to his chest. "Better I guess. I'm sick of being here though." His voice was soft and light. "Not sure how much longer they'll have me in here. What brings you guys here?"  
  
Sully put his hands in his pockets. "Brought in Bosco for alcohol poisoning awhile ago."  
  
Carlos turned the TV off. "What? What the hell happened?"  
  
Sully's face grew solemn but he decided to tell Carlos since Ty pretty much wasn't comfortable doing it. "Faith took a vacation to California, and on her way there, the plane crashed that her family was in. Bosco obviously took it pretty hard so we went to check on him. He was passed out, a bunch of beer bottles and things around him."  
  
Carlos ran his hand over his forehead. "I saw something about a plane on the TV but I had no idea. Send him my regards."   
  
Ty nodded and shook his hand. "We'll do man. See you later."  
  
~~  
  
Bosco slowly opened his eyes to bright lights above him. He could feel something lodged down his throat and he quickly sat up, gagging as he pulled on the chord. His head felt as if it were going to explode. The nurse approached him, pulling the tube out of his throat and holding up a bedpan for him.  
  
He gagged more and eventually threw up what was left inside him, though it wasn't much. He slammed his head back down onto the pillow and took a deep breath. He was tempted to just rip the I.V. out and leave, but his body wouldn't move. He looked to his side and saw Davis and Sully glaring into the window. He looked away quickly, embarrassed and feeling awkward about the situation.  
  
"Get me outta here."  
  
The nurse applied a cold stethoscope to his chest. "You are still under observation."  
  
He flashed her a confused look. "Observation? I'm fine, it's just a hangover." He sat up, reaching for his I.V. chords but Dr. Fields quickly stopped him.  
  
"Where do you think you are going Officer?"  
  
Bosco closed his eyes and swallowed hard. "I'm going home."  
  
"Not until Swersky comes to talk to you. He's on his way over." Dr. Fields looked over some charts and directed his attention back to Bosco. "I'm going to suggest counseling, possibly AA."  
  
Bosco cut in. "What?! What the fuck for?" He rubbed his bloodshot eyes and closed them again. The bright lights were giving him an even bigger headache.  
  
"Bosco, you had alcohol poisoning, that isn't normal."  
  
Bosco shrugged. "Whatever. I just had a binger, I'm fine now." He looked over at the door as Swersky made his way in, his stomach aching more from the scene of his superior walking towards his bed.  
  
Swersky glanced at Dr. Fields. "Can I see him in private for a few minutes?"  
  
The doctor nodded and walked out.  
  
"Bosco, is everything okay with you? You need to talk to someone."  
  
Bosco sat up as best as he could. "I'm fine Lieu."  
  
He scoffed. "You look fine Bosco. Don't lie to me, it'll put you in deeper shit than your boots can tread. We need to talk about some serious stuff. Faith's funeral for one thing."  
  
Bosco leaned on his arm. "And?"  
  
"I'm not going to have you stand up with the rest of the precinct at it. You are gonna sit down with her parents. You were like family to her so I think that would be best for everyone."  
  
Bosco licked his lips. "I.. I don't know if I can handle going to it."  
  
"Well, you are going to be there. Dress uniform. Get well Bosco, everything will be okay. This too, shall pass."  
  
Bosco ran his fingers over his bed sheet. "When is the funeral?"  
  
"Tomorrow. Two p.m. I can send one over for a ride if you need it."  
  
He shook his head. "No, not necessary."  
  
~~  
  
Bosco left thirty minutes later AMA. He really didn't care that they wanted him to stay; he just needed to get out of there and find somewhere to go. The nearest bar was what he wanted. He looked down at Sully and Davis as he walked past them. He could tell they were talking about him by the way they stared.   
  
He didn't say one word to them as he walked past and out the door, into the cool New York wind.   
  
You've Got to Hide Your Love Away  
  
Eddie Vedder  
  
Here I stand head in hand  
  
Turn my face to the wall  
  
If she's gone I can't go on  
  
Feeling two foot small  
  
Everywhere people stare  
  
Each and every day  
  
I can see them laugh at me  
  
And I hear them say  
  
Hey, you've got to hide your love away  
  
Hey, you've got to hide your love away  
  
How can I even try?  
  
I can never win  
  
Hearing them, seeing them  
  
In the state I'm in  
  
How could she say to me  
  
"Love will find a way?"  
  
Gather round all you clowns  
  
Let me hear you say  
  
Hey, you've got to hide your love away  
  
Hey, you've got to hide your love away 


	7. Chapter Seven

The next day came, along with another one of Bosco's now famous headaches he had been sporting around for quite awhile. He looked at his alarm clock, it was 10:15. Faith's funeral was in four hours, and he wasn't ready in the least bit. What he thought he needed was a drink, but his body wouldn't move, it wouldn't even let him roll over.   
  
He just stared at the wall, listening to some pigeons outside his bedroom window. He stared at the red numbers coming from the alarm clock and thought about Jenna. He wanted to see her so bad but knowing her she'd have nothing to do with him. He didn't blame her though, he was a fool for doing what he did. He sat up and decided to go over to her place, he'd never know what she'd say unless he made a move.  
  
~~  
  
He knocked on her door and waited. She peered through the crack in the door and frowned. "What do you want Maurice?" She noticed he looked even worse than the last time she had seen him.  
  
"Can we talk, please?" He watched as she opened the door wider.  
  
"What do you want?" She put her left hand on her hip and cocked her head to the side. He knew she wasn't happy about him just showing up like this.  
  
He licked his lips. "Faith's funeral is today."  
  
"Look, Maurice. You can't just show up like this. I don't want you around anymore. You hit me. I'm not going to stick around for something like that. I'm not one of those types of women that just roll over and take it. I wasn't raised that way."  
  
He sighed. "I know. I would apologize but you wouldn't accept it anyway. I can see you are still pissed."  
  
She threw her hands in the air. "Of course I'm still pissed. You hit me. Do you not understand that?"  
  
He knew what he had done, but for some reason he didn't really comprehend what she was saying. His mind was so messed up right now that he really didn't understand much of anything.  
  
"Jen, I came over to ask you if you would be there. For Faith at least."  
  
She could see the sincerity in his eyes. She couldn't tell if this was a desperate attempt to get her back or a silent cry for help. Either way she was more than likely going to show up, but she didn't want to give him a definite answer just yet. "For Faith?"  
  
He nodded. "Yeah, she really did like you. So, are you gonna be there or no?"  
  
She raised her eyebrows. "We'll see." She shut the door, not even giving him a chance to even say okay or anything.  
  
He stared at the door that was now shut in his face. It was official, she didn't want anything to do with him anymore. He didn't want to give her up, but he didn't feel like fighting for it right now. He just felt like he should walk around aimlessly, not having a destination or purpose at the moment.  
  
Jenna went to her couch, lay down, and just cried like a baby. She wanted him back so bad but him being the way he was just told her to run away. She didn't want his self-destruction to bring her down with him, but she had a love deep inside for him. She just couldn't let go.  
  
~~  
  
Rose stared at Bosco as he approached her, dressed in his dress uniform and clean-shaven. She couldn't help but notice how great he looked, even though he still looked like he hadn't slept in days. He sat down on a bar stool and gave her half of a smile, though he really wasn't feeling any happiness.   
  
"Maurice, what are you doing here?"  
  
He ran his hands over the smooth surface of the bar. "Thought I'd stop by and see you before I go and bury my friend."  
  
She lit a cigarette and stared into his bloodshot eyes. "You didn't come to see me, you want a drink."  
  
"Just a couple, I don't wanna go drunk but I need something to relax me." He poured his own glass of Jack Daniel's and sipped on it.  
  
"When was the last time you have eaten?"  
  
He clanked the glass down hard on the bar. "What?"  
  
She exhaled heavy. "Someone from the hospital called, told me about you having to go in to get your stomach pumped. They said you had a huge drop in weight. When was the last time you had a real meal?"  
  
He drank down the rest of the alcohol and stood up. "Who the hell called you? That's supposed to be private."  
  
"Not when you are putting yourself in danger like this. Maurice, if you don't watch out you are going to kill your liver. I hate to tell you this but you are becoming your father." She knew that would flare his anger so she backed away from the bar, not really sure what he would do next.  
  
He clenched his fists, fighting the urge to hit her too. "That is the worst thing you could say to me Ma."  
  
"Yeah well, you need to know before you take it too far."  
  
He lowered his eyes to the floor and rubbed his nose. "I already have taken it too far."  
  
"How? It's never too far. Get help."  
  
He didn't raise his eyes and spoke, "I hit Jenna the other night." His voice was a light whisper.  
  
"Oh my. This is coming from someone who has seen it before, get help Maurice. Do it for the sake of yourself. You don't wanna end up like your father. Please, just take my advice for once in your life."  
  
He looked up at her. "Why didn't you do that for yourself? Leave dad or get him help?"  
  
"Stupidity. I know you aren't stupid, so I know you'll do the right thing."  
  
He didn't acknowledge her. "Nah, I'll be okay. I gotta go, I gotta go bury my friend." He walked out and headed to the cemetery where Faith would be laid to rest for eternity.  
  
~~  
  
Bosco walked slowly up to the front by where Faith's casket lay. He spotted her parents sitting down, tissues in hand and tears soaking down their face. He didn't say anything to them and sat two chairs down, keeping his eyes on her casket the whole time.  
  
An American flag was draped over the top along with her badge and hat. He looked to one side and saw all of his watch standing there, ready for the ceremony. He showed no emotions across his face as he listened to the eulogy begin. He looked behind him and noticed Jenna in the back. That made him feel somewhat better, knowing she came. He didn't think she would show.   
  
He slouched in his chair as the eulogy progressed. He wasn't comfortable at all, he felt as if all his comrades standing near him were just staring at him. He could feel their eyes looking him up and down. He felt like crying but he held it in. He didn't want them to have something else to talk about behind his back. His eyes grew watery as the speaker spoke of her life and how she was a great person and cop.   
  
Memories flashed before his eyes of conversations they had in the past. The fry incident when he ate both bags not even thinking she might want some. Fred and him competing to win a Harley Davidson edition truck. The night he showed up at her apartment, unannounced, crying on her shoulder about September 11th. She had been there for him. They had their arguments and fights but that was normal. They were more than partners, he considered her one of his best friends. But like the saying went, all good things must come to an end.  
  
His thoughts were interrupted by the 21-gun salute that rang through the cemetery. He watched as they presented the flag to her parents, and he listened as TAPS was being played on a trumpet. The precinct saluted and Bosco watched as they did, his knees feeling weak.   
  
The funeral was over, Faith was laid to rest. He walked out of the cemetery and towards his home when Jenna stopped him on the sidewalk just outside the entrance of the rest yard.  
  
"I came. I'm sorry this happened to her." She moved some hair out of her face.  
  
Bosco wasn't sure what to say to her. It was too awkward for him. "Thanks for coming." He turned to walk away. She didn't act like she wanted to talk so he didn't want to waste her time.  
  
Jenna watched as Bosco walked away. Something deep inside of her told her to run after him, stop him, hug him tightly and never let him go. Then there came her other side. The side that just wouldn't let her forget what happened that night. Her stubborn side.  
  
She found herself outside of Rose's bar. She needed to talk to someone about it, and who was better than Rose Boscorelli, his mother that knew almost everything about him.  
  
She slowly opened the door and looked around, thankful Bosco wasn't there. She didn't want him around, not right now. She needed to get some information and find out about him. Rose gave a small wave and tended to the few customers that were present at the bar.  
  
"Hey Jenna. I see you went to the funeral." Rose noticed her wardrobe of almost all black.  
  
"Yeah, just left the cemetery." She ran her hands over her shirt and sat down at the bar.  
  
Rose wiped down the smooth surface. "How did Maurice take it?"  
  
"Hardly showed emotion but I could tell he was hurting. I could just tell."  
  
Rose nodded, understanding exactly what Jenna was saying. "Maurice has never been one to let his feelings show. He does every now and then, mainly his anger though." Rose paused and hesitated. "He told me he hit you."  
  
Jenna's eyes fell to the floor. "Yeah, he did. Last night."  
  
Rose didn't look too concerned as she tended to a man that already looked three sheets to the wind and it was only 4:30 in the afternoon. "His father used to hit me. Then the violence moved to Maurice. Let's just say he didn't have a good childhood."  
  
Jenna chewed on her thumbnail as she listened to Rose speak. Bosco had never mentioned anything like that to her, but like Rose said, he could hide things well. "He was all messed up that night Rose. He nearly cried when I poured his booze down the drain. He had this look in his eye that just wasn't normal."  
  
Rose's eyes widened. "He needs help. Deep down I think he knows that but he's so hard headed. I think he needs you Jenna, now more than ever. I think he'll listen to you."  
  
Jenna couldn't hold her tears in as they began to soak her face. She wiped a few away but more began to fall. "But he hit me Rose. What if he does that again? I can't live around that, it's not me."  
  
Rose nodded. It was like déjà vu, just this time she was giving the advice. If only she would have listened so long ago. "Get him help. Be beside him as he goes through, support him. Maurice is a good man, it's just a shit load came down on him all at once. He made a mistake, he's only human.  
  
A thousand questions raced through Jenna's mind. So many that needed answering. "But you said his father was abusive, what if it reflects on Maurice?"  
  
Rose thought for a second. That was a very good question, but as always, she had a direct answer about her son. "Take it from me Jenna, he's nothing like his father. I've said it before and I'll say it again, he needs help. He just has no idea of how to ask for it."  
  
Jenna sighed. So much stress but she was finally realizing what rose was saying. He NEEDED someone around. There was always room for help. "Do you think Maurice will let me help him?"  
  
Rose shook her head. "Probably not right off but keep trying. I know you can do it. I've never seen him so crazy about a girl like he is with you. If he's smart he'll listen."  
  
Jenna stood up and smiled. "If he hits me again I'm gone."  
  
Rose smiled with her. "He won't. I could tell he regretted it from the moment he did it."  
  
Jenna walked out and headed on a quest to help Bosco. She knew he was counting on her. She just wanted the old Bosco back.  
  
~~  
  
Bosco sat on his couch, a cold beer in hand and a bag of potato chips in the other. He hadn't even attempted to change out of his dress uniform yet. He just didn't feel like it. He kicked his boots off and watched as they fell to the floor, one after the other.   
  
Jenna slowly walked up to his door, rubbing her sweaty palms across her skirt before she even raised her hand to knock. She was too nervous about this, Bosco was so unpredictable lately. She didn't hear anything from behind the door, and that had her worried some. Maybe he wasn't even home right now. Only one way to find out she thought, so she knocked hard, hearing the echo coming from under her fist.  
  
Bosco nearly jumped out of his seat. He slowly made his way to his door and peaked through the small hole, seeing Jenna standing on the other side. He opened the door and clenched the beer bottle that was now in his left hand. He didn't speak, but let her make the first move.  
  
"Maurice.." Her eyes fell to the dark bottle and then back up to his face. "Can I come in?"  
  
He moved aside and allowed her to come in. He again waited for her voice to break the silence that was between them.  
  
"I came to talk to you. Sit down, I'm not here to fight with you."  
  
Bosco didn't argue and sat down on the couch. He wanted to know what she wanted.   
  
"I'm sure you've heard this a thousand times before but, you need help. And I'm here to help you." She stared back at him, thankful she let that out but somehow noticing her words hit Bosco hard. "I'm not saying this to put you down, I'm saying this because I love you and I want to help you."  
  
Bosco leaned back, keeping his eyes on her, as he comprehended what was coming out of her mouth. Deep down he knew he was in trouble and he was thankful that she was here but something inside of him was telling him to push her away. He didn't really want help. "Jenna, I'm fine. I mean, Faith died. I had a rough week but I'm fine."  
  
She shook her head no. "You aren't fine. Drinking, not eating, I can see it in your eyes. It isn't normal. Just please, let me help you. I'm not going to give up on you. You mean too much to me. I can't see you go down like this."  
  
He stood up and drank down the rest of his beer. "The last thing I need right now is someone standing here, telling me what I need. I know my needs, and getting help isn't one of them. I appreciate you caring like this, but I assure you I'm fine. I'm not going to say it again."  
  
She didn't want to leave, not yet. She wanted to put up a fight with him. "What is it going to take for me to get you to understand what I'm saying to you?"  
  
He threw his hands up. "How would you even know about stuff like this? You and your perfect life. You've probably never even seen half the shit I have. You are the one that doesn't understand Jenna!"  
  
Her eyes widened and her anger flared. "I work in a nursing home for Christ's sake! I hear old men talking all the time about how they ruined their lives by turning to alcohol. Maurice, my grandfather and father were both alcoholics. My father got help, my grandfather didn't. I've been around it."  
  
"And I supposed your father beat you like a rented mule too, right?" He rolled his eyes as he drank down the last few drops of his beer and threw the bottle on the floor along with the others.  
  
Her eyes dropped to the floor. "What?"  
  
He shrugged her off. "Nothing, forget that I even mentioned that."  
  
She sat beside him on the couch, but he moved down so he wouldn't be near her. "Are you telling me your father hit you?"  
  
He leaned forward. "So what if he did. That's over and that's not what is wrong now."  
  
"Something is wrong? I thought you said this was just a bad week and you are fine now." She knew she caught him but he was stubborn so he wouldn't give up just with that.  
  
He scoffed. "Just leave me alone for now okay? You are just pissing me off right now and when I'm pissed I shut myself off."  
  
She stood back up. "Okay."  
  
Jenna made her way to the door. She remembered what Rose had told her. He wouldn't accept right off, but keep working with him. She didn't want to piss him off so she quit while she was ahead. She opened the door and looked back at him. "I'll be back Maurice. I gotta go clear my head. Think about this okay? For me." She walked out into the hallway and shut the door, hoping her words hit home to him.  
  
He stared at the door. The apartment fell silent again and he was lost in his thoughts. Getting help was something he didn't do often. He stared up at the ceiling and closed his eyes, hoping he could convince himself.  
  
Nick Cave  
  
Let it Be  
  
When I find myself in times of trouble  
  
Mother Mary comes to me  
  
Speaking words of wisdom  
  
Let it be  
  
And in my hour of darkness  
  
She is standing words of wisdom  
  
Let it be  
  
Let it be, let it be  
  
Let it be, let it be  
  
Whisper words of wisdom  
  
Let it be  
  
And when the broken hearted people  
  
Living in the world agree  
  
There will be an answer  
  
Let it be  
  
For though they may be parted there is  
  
Still a chance that they will see  
  
There will be an answer  
  
Let it be  
  
Let it be, let it be  
  
Let it be, let it be  
  
Yeah, there will be an answer,  
  
Let it be  
  
Let it be, let it be  
  
Let it be, let it be  
  
Whisper words of wisdom  
  
Let it be  
  
Let it be, let it be  
  
Let it be, let it be  
  
Whisper words of wisdom  
  
Let it be  
  
And when the night is cloudy  
  
There is still a light that shines on me  
  
Shine until tomorrow  
  
Let it be  
  
I wake up to the sound of music  
  
Mother Mary comes to me  
  
Speaking words of wisdom  
  
Let it be  
  
Let it be, let it be  
  
Let it be, let it be  
  
There will be an answer  
  
Let it be  
  
Let it be, let it be  
  
Let it be, let it be  
  
There will be an answer  
  
Let it be  
  
Let it be, let it be  
  
Let it be, let it be  
  
There will be an answer  
  
Let it be 


	8. Chapter Eight

I know I haven't posted lately on this fic..I'm so sorry about the delay but I was I guess you could call it a writing hiatus for awhile! Anyway, here is the next chapter, hope you enjoy it..and again I apologize for how long it took me to update!   
  
Your feedback is greatly appreciated!   
  
For some reason Jenna could tell that Bosco listened to her. Over the years she had learned to read people and she read him better than she thought she could. The look deep down in his eyes screamed out 'Help me! Help me!' but of course his mouth didn't. Thankfully she knew to look deeper than words. Tears are expensive, words are cheap.   
  
She decided to let Bosco think about it. She HAD to be patient about this, but patience wasn't a quality she held. She'd have to for this situation. The road to recovery would be long, narrow, and bumpy but she knew herself, as well as Bosco could do it, if he would let himself open up.  
  
~~  
  
Bosco felt the urge for a drink at around 7:45 that evening. He wasn't sure where to go though.  
  
Haggerty's? No, too many familiar faces. Too many questions would arise.  
  
He really didn't feel like going to a place he wasn't familiar with so he decided on his mom's bar though it would be pretty awkward.   
  
He walked in, gave a small wave and sat down on the stool he usually found himself at. He knew he shouldn't be here, getting shit faced again but he couldn't help it. His job was cursed, Faith was dead, and Jenna had come back to help him but he turned her away. He didn't realize what he had until it was gone, and now he had no say in it.   
  
"What are you doing here Maurice?" His mother smacked on some gum as she waited for him to answer.  
  
He tapped his fingers to the beat of a Metallica song playing on the jukebox and hesitated before speaking. "No cigarette for you tonight?"  
  
She smiled and crackled it between her teeth. "I've resorted to Nicorette, the nicotine gum. People can kick their bad habits ya know."  
  
He scoffed, knowing exactly what she was getting at. "Can I have a shot of Jim Beam?"  
  
Rose rolled her eyes, "Maurice, alcohol isn't going to help your pain."  
  
He nodded as he stared down at the glass. He was so tempted to pick it up and just drink it down but he didn't move his hands towards it. "Jenna came to my apartment a few hours ago. She wants to help me." He kept his gaze in the same spot, not sure why he just told his mother that.  
  
"Oh yeah? Did you agree that you do need help?" She noticed his hesitation on whether to drink it or not.  
  
He moved the glass in a small circular motion with his fingertips. He watched as a few small bubbles formed on the surface of the whiskey. "I told her I was fine."  
  
"Ah, do you realize you lied to her? You aren't fine." He shook her head with disgust wishing he wasn't so damn hard headed.  
  
He licked his lips and ran his hands over his face. "I know god Dammit. I know I'm not fine."  
  
Rose couldn't believe what she was hearing. Did he just admit that this wasn't normal? "Maurice, that is the first step to recovery, admitting it."  
  
His mouth watered as he thought about the whiskey's taste and how it would feel down his throat if he drank it down. "Yeah, well I'm not gonna get help. Over time things will be normal." He drank down the Jim Beam, his tongue dancing from the strong flavor. He had just lost an inside conflict with his mind and he knew that. He then realized he needed to see Jenna.  
  
~~  
  
He made his way back up to his apartment at 9:00 and quickly dialed her cell. He had hope that she would still consider helping him, but he had no idea she wanted to help more than ever. The other end rang and someone finally picked up.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
His heart pattered fast as he heard her voice. The words were on the tip of his tongue but they wouldn't come out. His mind froze.  
  
Again she said, "Hello?" this time, more annoyed.  
  
He cleared his throat. "J.. Jenna."  
  
"Maurice? What's wrong?" She switched the phone from her right ear to her left quickly and waited.  
  
"I.. I need to see you. We need to talk. I'm at home." He hung up the phone and threw it down on the coffee table. This was a hard thing for him to do, admit that he had a problem.   
  
He paced back and forth as he waited, he just couldn't sit still. His mouth grew dry but instead of liquor he grabbed a bottle of water. He heard footsteps and a light knock. His nerves skyrocketed as he opened the door and allowed Jenna in once more.  
  
Her gaze fell on the bottle of water in his hand, thankful it was that and not more booze. She put her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. "I'm here Maurice."  
  
He hugged back, his stomach settling. "Jenna thanks for coming back. God knows I don't deserve this." He looked into her eyes and kissed her lightly.  
  
"You deserve so much more than you think. Now, talk. You said you needed to talk to me so fire away." She sat down on the couch and watched as he paced back and forth in front of her.  
  
"I was at Ma's bar earlier as always, I wanted a drink. I didn't grab it and drink it down right off like I usually do but it made me have this mental conflict." He closed his eyes and pondered for a second and then opened them again.  
  
He sat down on the coffee table directly in front of Jenna and held her hand. "I mean, I did NOT want to drink it, but before I left I chugged it down. I lost the struggle I had within myself. I knew I needed help before that but me drinking it finalized it. I realized I couldn't turn it down." He squeezed her hand tighter.  
  
She was so grateful that he was finally opening up to her. It was like a breaking point in this situation and it just made her smile. "Okay, your recovery has begun. I want you to know that I'm here every step of the way. I care for you that much."  
  
He looked down at his feet and back up at her. She made him feel accepted, and not many people had done that in his life. It was like a whole new feeling for him.  
  
"Really? You really care for me?" His voice was full of question.  
  
She shook her head and grinned. "I never tell a lie. You are special Maurice."  
  
He ran his hand over her hair, remembering the night he hit her. It was the biggest mistake of his life. "I never said sorry for hitting you. I'm sorry. I want you to know that I'll never, ever do it again. I'm really messed up right now."  
  
"I forgive you. I'm here to fix you. To make you the Maurice Boscorelli you once were."  
  
~~  
  
Bosco decided to go into work the next day just to see everyone. He had distanced himself so much from everyone and he actually kind of missed his friends. He never thought he would. He walked into the locker room still expecting to see Faith at her locker, but it was empty and she wasn't there. He looked away and over at Sully and Davis.  
  
"Hey guys, how's the streets been?" He rubbed his hands together, feeling awkward with every second he was there.  
  
Sully smiled. "Quiet. When are we gonna see your face in uniform again?"  
  
"As soon as Swersky lets me back. Knowing him he won't for a while. I'm just ready to be back."  
  
Swersky peaked his head in and noticed Bosco standing there. "Guys, roll call is soon. Boz, let me see you in my office right quick."   
  
~~  
  
Bosco walked in and took a deep breath. Swersky leaned back in his chair and looked at him, up and down. "Well, I can say you look somewhat better than the last time I saw you."  
  
Bosco nodded. "Ah. Not sure if that is a compliment or not but thanks. What do you want to see me for?" He took a seat and rested his head on the back of the chair.   
  
"I want to talk to you about when you can come back. I know you've been having some problems, and I understand why. You've had a rough week. You got anyone around that you could talk to?"  
  
Bosco leaned forward. "Yeah, I've got a couple of people."  
  
Swersky jotted some notes down. "Before I'm allowed to let you back in a car you've gotta get some counseling. I'm leaning towards AA too. I know you aren't big on stuff like that but if you decline on it, you won't have a job waiting here for you. It sounds harsh but that's what the big boys told me to pass to you."  
  
Bosco remained quiet as he let the words soak into his mind. "Is it okay if I take someone with me to those meetings? I'd feel better about it if I could."  
  
"Who do you have in mind?"  
  
"My girlfriend. She wants to help me more than anyone else."  
  
Swersky raised an eyebrow. "You girlfriend? Why do you want your girlfriend there?"  
  
Bosco really didn't want to tell him but he might as well. "She makes me feel comfortable."  
  
"Okay. She can go too. Of course. I just need you back here on the street. Everyone misses you, believe it or not. So you go get well and we'll be here waiting for you."  
  
"Thank you sir." Bosco shook his hand and walked out.  
  
~~  
  
Bosco's first meeting with Alcoholic's Anonymous was at 8:00 that night. He held Jenna's hand as they entered. Others stared back at them but Bosco didn't care. He just wanted to get this over.   
  
He sat down in an orange chair and waited for class to begin. The hardest part of AA was actually making yourself go and here he was. A huge step in his recovery.   
  
A lady walked in, a manila folder in her hand and a pencil behind her ear. Bosco was guessing she was the "speaker" or group leader. She leaned against the desk that was in front and cleared her throat.   
  
"Welcome to Alcoholic's Anonymous. If this is your first time, my name is Katrina Perkins. Tonight we will start with the new members. When I point to you just introduce yourself, tell us your name, where you are from, what kind of problems you have experienced. That sort of thing."  
  
She pointed at Bosco. He sat up, shocked that she chose him first. His heart raced fast as all eyes looked at him. He glanced at Jenna and then back at the group.  
  
"Uh, my name is Maurice Boscorelli. I'm 33. I live here in New York City." He paused. He didn't want to tell him his problems. It was none of their business in the first place.   
  
Katrina cut in. "And Maurice, what have you been experiencing that made you choose alcohol as a part of your life?"   
  
He stared down at the floor. It was so quiet that you could hear someone writing. He closed his eyes and watched as the horrible images passed before his eyes. The little girl, the suicide that turned out to be pretty much true, Carlos laying close to dead on the street, and then Faith. The images of the plane debris all over the ground, Emily and Charlie. He stood up quickly and opened his eyes.  
  
"I can't do this right now." He walked out and paced back and forth in the hallway, waiting for Jenna to come. She followed and grabbed his arm.  
  
"Maurice, are you okay?" She sat him down on a small bench.   
  
He leaned his head against the wall and stared up at the ceiling. "It's so bad that I don't even want to close my eyes Jenna. It hurts to even think about it, I don't think I can speak it."  
  
She ran her fingers through her hair. "Okay, if you aren't ready to talk about it then don't. But you are going to have to eventually."  
  
He nodded. "I know. Just don't make me go back in there tonight."  
  
Katrina walked up to them. "You gonna go back in and try that again?"  
  
Jenna stood up. "I don't think so, not tonight. We'll try this again next week okay?"  
  
Katrina frowned. "Alright, but Lieutenant Swersky will hear about this."  
  
Bosco just stared up at her from the bench. He didn't like her, not one bit. Jenna pulled her to the side.  
  
"Look, you can tell Swersky, but he isn't ready right now. I don't want him freaking out or something okay? If he's not ready to talk you can't force him. Swersky will understand that more than you, so go ahead and tell him."  
  
Katrina shrugged. "I'll see you next week."  
  
~~  
  
Bosco listened to the car's tires run over the pavement as Jenna drove down a quiet, New York street. He looked up into the sky but could barely see any stars, the smog was thick.   
  
"You know when the last time I actually saw a full sky of stars was?" He wasn't sure why he asked her, because he really couldn't remember himself. Jenna glanced at him and then back to the road.   
  
"When?"  
  
He ran his index finger over his eyebrow and looked back up. "I can't really remember. It's been so damn long since I've seen a clear night sky that I forgot what one looks like."  
  
She bit her bottom lip and turned a corner quickly, surprising both of them. "You got anywhere you need to be right now, Maurice?"  
  
He shook his head no. "Nowhere I can think of, why?"  
  
"You'll see."  
  
~~  
  
Bosco had no idea where she was taking him. They had already left the city limits. He looked out the window, trying to figure out where they were at and why she took him out of the city.   
  
She turned the car down a small, dirt road and parked it. She noticed his face that was full of question and it made her smile. "You look confused."  
  
He nodded his head, agreeing with her. "I am. Where are we?" He looked around and opened his door. She followed him to the back of the car where they both sat on the back of it.  
  
"Maurice, this is where I used to come when things in my life weren't going well. This is where I came the night you hit me. It's got a nice view of the stars and it's quiet. It's a quick getaway from city life, even if you can only stay a few hours or minutes. You just seemed like you needed to see some stars, have some peace and quiet."  
  
He grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly. He took in a deep breath of the fresh, smog free air and listened to some crickets chirp in the field beside them. "Thanks, for showing me this place. Even if we eventually have to go back to the city, I can always think back to here and clear my mind that way."  
  
Her thoughts wondered to the AA meeting they had been at earlier. She wished to God that he'd open up and speak to them, but she wasn't in his shoes so she had no idea how it felt. The sooner he spoke up about it, the sooner he'd feel better.   
  
"Maurice, next week at the AA meeting, try to at least say something that has been bothering you. I know you probably don't want to hear this right now but do me this one favor, and TRY to do it." She gave him a reassuring look and kissed him lightly on the lips.  
  
He sighed and looked down at the gravel beneath them. He knew he had to speak up sooner or later, so why not sooner?   
  
"Okay Jenna, I'll do it for you. I owe you."  
  
She shook her head no. "Maurice, do it for yourself. You owe it to yourself, not me."  
  
~~  
  
He woke up the next morning in Jenna's bed, unsure of how he got there. He rolled over and shielded his eyes from the bright lights that showed through the blinds. He could hear the faint racket of pots and pans being tossed around in the kitchen so he decided he'd better get up and see what was going on.  
  
He quickly put on a t-shirt and yawned as he walked in, watching Jenna as she stood over the stove, her hair pulled back in a blue bandana. He couldn't help but smile at how cute she looked.  
  
She looked up from the bacon in the frying pan and waved. "Hey Maurice, did I wake you?"  
  
He leaned against the refrigerator and continued to watch her. "No."   
  
"Good morning." She approached him and kissed him. "Sleep well last night?"  
  
"Better than normal." He sat down at the kitchen table and poured himself a cup of coffee.   
  
She poured the steaming bacon on a plate and placed it on the table. "You got any special plans for today?" She licked her finger and sat down, taking a long sip of orange juice as she made her plate.  
  
He thought about her question. "I'm thinking I might wanna go visit Faith's grave sometime today. Make my peace ya know?"   
  
Jenna looked up. "Are you sure you are ready for that?" Him going to see it would help him out in the long run, she had to admit that.  
  
"Yeah, as ready as I'll ever be."  
  
~~  
  
Bosco walked slowly up to the cemetery entrance and frowned. He had always hated cemeteries. Just the thought of dead people six feet beneath him gave him the creeps. He knew exactly where her grave was, though that day she was laid to rest was a huge blur to him.  
  
Jenna held onto his arm as they made there way down the small, concrete road. He tried not to look at other graves as he walked, but it was like rubber neckers wanting to see a wreck. He just couldn't keep his eyes off of them.   
  
They approached her grave and he stopped, looking at the hill where it was located. He took a deep breath and looked at Jenna for some reassurance. She was the strong one in this battle; for once he wasn't the leader.  
  
Jenna grasped his arm tighter and kept her eyes where his gaze fell. "If you don't wanna go any farther I understand. I can put these flowers on there for you."  
  
He shook his head no. "I wanna do it. I've gotta do it."  
  
He walked a few more steps up the hill and stood over her grave, as well as Fred's, Emily's and Charlie's. He couldn't believe that they were actually gone, and here he was standing over their final resting place. He wiped away a few tears that fell and placed some roses on Faith and Fred's headstone.   
  
He was somewhat happy with himself. Here he was at a place he swore up and down to himself he'd never visit. This was a huge milestone, and he was thankful that he actually did it. Jenna read over the headstone aloud.  
  
"Faith Yokas, a loving wife and mother. Fred Yokas, loving husband and father. Our time was cut short but here we lay together, reunited in the after life, for eternity."  
  
Bosco gave a small grin. "The way it should be."  
  
Jenna cocked her eyebrow and looked at him. "The way what should be?"  
  
"Dying with the person you love. I wouldn't want to go any other way." He kept his eyes down on the headstones, knowing Faith was in a better place. "I'm glad I came and did this."  
  
She ran her hands over his arm. "I'm glad you did too." 


End file.
